“We have done Spain a great service by forcing the French to surrender this city and its ports,” Graham continued.“I am sure they will repair any damage made by the French.Rest assured, these people rejoice to be freed from the French, even if they left such great destruction behind.We can aid them by returning to our own soil, allowing them to recover in peace.There is no need to take responsibility for the evils done by the French when we were not involved.”
There was no hope in helping San Sebastián if the colonel in charge of this battle would not admit the faults of his own regiment.Fury raced through Peter, flaming and insatiable, as he thought of Ana María, nursing her wounds alone and entirely undeserving of the cruelty afforded her.How many women like her had been subjected to such horrors?And the children?It made him ill.The only thought that had kept him from losing his composure entirely over the past few days was the knowledge that he’d be able to return to the city, for however briefly it may be, and try to help in whatever way he could.
“You are dismissed,” Graham said curtly, his eyes finding Peter’s.“Return to England and recover.There will likely be a period of respite for all involved.We will write you when we expect you to report for duty again.”His tone left no room for protesting.
Graham was a hurried leader and often wavered, making contradictory decisions, but now there was a certain finality in his words.Peter made no effort to hide the rage in his gaze, fisting his hand at his side while the others saluted.He stormed away, but not before he heard muttering voices at his back.
“Ashmore’s position could incriminate us in the worst of ways.Even jeopardize your career, Colonel.”
“He is the least of our worries now.We have the angry Spanish to deal with.”
It was clear that Peter had no place here in San Sebastián.He had no power to provide comfort, no authority to help the many injured.Even if he tried, the people of the city would likely reject him.The reality of that made his head throb even harder.He had not been able to discipline his men enough to prevent this grave crime, and he had not been able to save their victims.Guilt wrapped about his throat, choking him as he turned his back on San Sebastián.If only the ocean waves could wash over the city and cleanse it of the great pain that had been caused there.
The only thing he could do now was take Ana María away from this place, if she was willing.Surely she could not remain in Spain, not when she could possibly be incriminated in the vile misdeeds that had occurred here.Whether she was framed as a guilty party for her role as an ally translator or forced to be a witness of harm done against her, she would suffer immensely.Peter simply could not allow it.They too would have to leave for London.Ana had no one left for her here.She had attested as much in her heaving sobs as they buried the body of her father.
By the next morning, Peter and Ana had reached the border of Basque Country and were staring across the sea toward England as they left a burning, bleeding Spain.Other soldiers gathered and boarded various ships to return home after the siege for a temporary so-called “period of recuperation.”To Peter, this respite indicated that their leaders, the Marquess of Wellington included, were scrambling to cover the damage their troops had done.Repercussions, including legal trials, had already started in San Sebastián and other parts of Basque Country, and the British were no longer safe in the area.Peter decided to travel back to London without his comrades.Before the siege, the brotherhood of his division had brought him a great sense of strength and comfort.But now he was glad to be separated from them, both for his sake and for Ana’s.He would not be able to bear their company at present, not after witnessing what they had done.And he would not force such a thing upon Ana, when her physical and emotional wounds were so fresh.It was nothing short of miraculous that she would trust him, when his uniform and his language surely reminded her of her attackers at every turn.
Peter could not say what the future held for either of them.But the only aim in his mind was to provide Ana a place of refuge.
Chapter 4
October 19, 1813, Abbeygate, Surrey Hills, England
So far, the two-hour journey to Surrey Hills had been surprisingly calm.Despite having traveled alone with Ana María for more than a month, Peter had noticed a shift in their company since the wedding ceremony.He had always been able to read her emotions as easily as the large writing in a young child’s book.But now he could see that there was something bothering her.Her incessant chewing of her lip was enough to tell him that her mind was scrambling.And he suspected the cause of her worry.
There was one topic that Peter had been avoiding—their wedding night.All their staff would expect them to act like an affectionate, freshly wed couple on their wedding trip, despite the fact that they wouldn’t be traveling due to Ana María’s current sickness and condition.Undoubtedly, there would be talk below stairs regarding their relationship.And while he wanted to act the part of the happily married couple to prevent any embarrassment to his new wife, he also didn’t want to begin their married life with any confusion surrounding his expectations for their relationship.He needed to be clear on the subject, particularly after the violence that Ana María had endured.
“I did wish to say one more thing regarding our marriage,” Peter stated, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.
“Sí?”
“I have no illusions about the nature of our relationship, particularly considering your health and condition.Our marriage will be in name only, and I hope that will bring you some measure of comfort.”
“Name...only?I take your name,no?”
Oh dear.This incredibly awkward conversation just became even more difficult.Peter breathed out heavily.How could he make her understand?
“Yes, that is...I mean to say that we will likely have adjoining rooms and all sorts of well-intentioned preparations on the part of our staff.But I will not be visiting your room tonight.My only intention in marrying you was to provide you with a safe place to bring your child into this world, not to pay you a visit on our wedding night—or any other night, for that matter.”
It was not a typical marriage arrangement.But Peter couldn’t ever imagine her being comfortable with such familiarity after the horrors she endured.
“Wedding night?But our wedding was duringel día,notla noche.No entiendo.And what meansadjoining?”
A heated flush crept up Peter’s neck, making sweat bead on his forehead.Why was he still wearing this blasted cravat?
“Our rooms will be close.Connected, even.”He motioned with his hands, placing his two palms together to signify his words.“As your husband, I normally would have certain responsibilities that I would be expected to fulfill...”Her lips were scrunched to one side, her brows quirked in obvious confusion.He was certainly making a grand mess of this, wasn’t he?He hardly knew how to broach the topic in English, much less Spanish.All the polite vocabulary that could explain the situation was currently beyond her understanding.He would not embarrass her or dredge up recent traumatic experiences by spelling it out in frank words or common language.So he decided on the next best thing.
He reached out and grasped her hand.“You will be safe with me, Ana.I promise.”
The stiffness slid from Ana María’s posture like rain on a glass windowpane.Her shoulders fell and she pressed her eyes closed, resting her head against the back of the bench.
“I had not planned to marry.But I hope I can be the sort of husband you deserve.I will protect you, just as I vowed.And I will protect your child.”
“Gracias, Capitán.”Her large, dark eyes glistened with emotion.“Muchísimas graciasfor everything.”
“I could not simply sit by and watch you suffer.”
She nodded as tears trickled down her cheeks.Peter’s heart squeezed in his chest.He had softened in the months prior to the rambunctious Ana María and was no longer totally mortified by her teasing.But he could not bear the sight of her crying.Tears would not do.
