He tucks my legs across his, holding me like he used to when I’d cry out of sheer sleep deprivation those first few months after the twins were born, or that one night before they started kindergarten. And occasionally, on those awful weeks right before I’d get my period.
His hand strokes the back of my arm. “You don’t have to carry it all, Ash,” he says quietly. “Not all the time. Not tonight.”
I start to argue, but he keeps going.
“You hold everything together. For the boys. For Luna. Your mom, and me. And… you make it look effortless.” He exhales, then rests his forehead lightly against mine.
My throat tightens, but I don’t speak.
“And you don’t just get things done, you do it with grace,” he says. “With that smart-ass smile that drives me crazy.” His fingers slide down, wrapping around mine. “But right now? You don’t have to pretend anything. You don’t have to smile. You can be tired. You can fall apart a little.”
He tilts my chin up, his voice like a tether. “Because I’m right here. And I’ve got you.”
But do you?
I don’t say it though, because right now, just being held like this feels too good.
“I miss him,” I whisper. “Dad. I didn’t think I’d get emotional at the rehearsal, but seeing you walk Luna down the aisle just… undid me.”
His arms tighten.
“And I’m happy for her. So happy. But it’s just—everything is changing. And I don’t know how—I don’t want…” I’m scared something bad is coming. That something is looming around the corner, something… I don’t know what.
I feel like, no matter what I’ve decided, I could still lose him.
Beckett just holds me.
Eventually, I sit up, wipe my face. I spot the assortment of adult toys again. “I should put them away,” I say.
“Wait.”
Beckett’s voice is low, but there’s a flicker of humor in it. I glance over as he reaches across the bed and picks one up—a neon pink, dual-pronged situation that looks more intimidating than arousing.
He turns it over in his hands like he’s inspecting it for quality. “These are... impressive.”
I snort, despite myself. “Those were the extras.”
“Seriously?”
“Tay thought they would liven things up.”
He grins. “She’s not wrong…”
“She’s a menace.” But I say it warmly.
“Yeah?” He clicks it on. Off.
“And so are you.”
“You think?”
I hold his eyes, but when I feel like his stare is getting a little too intense, I reach out and grab one of the toys, switching it on, then quickly off again.
“I”m not sure if I want to travel back home with all these…”
He leans in a little. “Definitely keep a few.”
I raise a brow. “Oh, really?”
