“Do tell. Then what do you want?” she questioned, putting her interlocked hands beneath her chin and gazing up at him.
“Well, I guess the issue that’s on my mind is whether elves and humans can have sexual intercourse?” he asked as his face reddened slightly.
“That would depend on a couple of things,” she replied smoothly. “I mean it can be difficult.”
“In what ways?”
“Well, in my species, the female is always the dominant partner and the male must submit to her demands,” she said struggling to keep a straight face. “You see if he fails to meet her needs, his penis will become unable to perform for at least a month, maybe more.”
“You’re bullshitting me,” he accused, eyes wide.
“Not at all,” she insisted. “Once I had a lover who was so bad it was nearly six months before he could perform. It was actually quite sad. The poor little guy really gave it his all.”
Bartlett’s mouth fell open in shock.
“The way I heard it, he couldn’t even masturbate,” she whispered leaning close, her violet eyes sorrowful.
Bartlett collapsed against the back of the booth and stared at her for several long moments. The food came and Merry moved her shake closer and took a long draw on the straw.
“You must be hard to please,” he pointed out.
“Oh, I am,” she agreed quite happily. “Incredibly hard, and if I were you I wouldn’t even consider trying.”
He nodded and picked up his burger and took a bite, chewing thoughtfully.
They were quiet for a few minutes as they ate and Merry was feeling quite satisfied. The food was good, she was getting a bit of revenge on her boss for annoying the hell out of her, and things were looking up now that she had some food in her tummy. The headache that plagued her all day had receded and she was smiling. Then he spoke.
“And is there a remedy for this malaise?” he asked before popping a fry into his mouth.
“Not that I know of,” she answered, dabbing at a bit of ketchup on her lip. “I’ve often wondered if it could even be permanent in extreme cases.”
“Hmm.”
Merry noisily sucked up the rest of her milkshake and sighed, rubbing her hand on her tummy.
“Full?” he asked.
“Yes very, but you haven’t eaten much,” she noted.
“I’ve suddenly lost my appetite,” he replied. “Come on, I’ll take you home.”
Nodding she slid out of the booth. Bartlett held her jacket for her as she slipped it on. Stopping at the counter he paid for their meal before taking her arm and leading her outside.
“Thank you for dinner,” she said. “I guess I was hungry.”
“Feeling better now?”
“Much.”
“Good.”
Waving down a sleigh he helped her into it and took her home. Getting out he walked her to the door of her chalet while the driver waited.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said, leaning down to give her an unexpected kiss.
Merry could not help noticing the lack of passion in his actions and grinned. She guessed she put the fear of failure into him and it amused her to no end.
“Yes, I’ll see you in the morning,” she replied, patting his arm. “And don’t worry too much about what I told you tonight. I’m sure a big, strapping man like you could satisfy any elfin female…well most of them anyway…at least a few,” she continued sympathetically before slipping inside and closing the door. Leaning against it she covered her mouth so he would not hear her laughing as he walked to the sleigh.
