Saints, she could see the war in his eyes—desire and duty, fear and a love that ran so deep, it humbled her. And beyond all of that, a lust so all-consuming that it made her tremble where she stood. Lust like a tidal wave, sweeping everything else in its path away.
She couldn’t stand strong in the face of it. All she wanted was to slake it, to seek safety and completion in his arms. But her Shadow, schooled in the art of self-control since the Change had first stirred within him, was determined to try.
“Open the bond, Katya,” he rasped. “Open for me.”
“I thought you said we shouldn’t?—”
“Gods, give me something.” His hands fisted at his sides, as if it hurt him not to reach for her. “You think I feel nothing, Katya, but all I want is to bury myself in your heat. To hold you and move inside you, and know you’re mine. To feel you pulsing around me the way you do when you’re about to come?—”
With a harsh gasp, she let the barrier between them fall. The rush that swept over her in its wake nearly leveled her: pain so deep it shook her to her core, regret so sharp it pierced her heart, and craving so intense it reverberated in every bone of her body, settling at last in her belly, a churning, unsatisfied ache so powerful she feared it could never be satisfied.
“Do you see now?” His voice echoed in her ears and through the bond, so that he was all she could hear. It drowned out the lap of the water, the stirring of the leaves, the chirp of crickets. “You’re all I feel. Where there’s only Darkness inside me, you shine Light. You are my conscience. You are my heart. You hold all my broken parts in your hands, and love me anyway, though it may only ruin you in the end.”
“You will never ruin me.” With the bond open like this, she knew he could feel every bit of her sincerity. He winced, as if her belief in him caused him pain, but she pressed onward. “I will always protect your heart, the way you’re sworn to protect my body. I will always be your Light, no matter how far you travel into the Darkness. I will always, always be your home.”
Beneath the water, Niko’s hand still moved, as if he were powerless to stop. But his face—with his dark hair slicked back and every feature bare, there was no way for him to hide from her. A tear trailed down his face, followed by another.
“I don’t deserve you.” The words were a shattered whisper. “Gods, I don’t, but I don’t care. Don’t you understand? Protecting you isn’t selfless, Katya. Nothing makes sense without you. I don’t work without you. I need you to live, to be all right. You are my heart.”
“As you are mine.” She said the words slowly, clearly, willing him to believe it. “You would never hurt me. And I will never, never give up on you.”
Niko’s tears fell faster now, though he made no sound. He advanced toward her, and for one glorious moment she thought he’d finally decided to trust in her…in them. But no—he was merely backing her up, toward the smooth gray stone that rose above the surface of the water.
“What…?” she began, puzzled.
“I need to see you.” His gaze flickered over her, hot and hungry. “To watch when you come for me. It’s greedy, I know. But I’m asking. Give it to me.”
As if Katerina had any intention of denying him.
She lay back on the smooth surface of the rock, knees bent and legs spread wide. Niko stayed in the water, but Saints, the weight of his gaze?—
He stared at her, his breath coming faster and faster as her hand slipped back between her thighs. “If I could,” he said, “I would taste you first, Katya. I would feast on you, and then I would kiss you while I filled you with my cock, so you could taste yourself. So you knew how much I worship you.”
“Niko…” She turned her head to the side so she could focus on him, the first quakes of pleasure tightening her body. “Do it. You won’t hurt me. I promise.”
“I can’t.” The words were agonized. “But if I could…I would take your hips in my hands and roll you on top of me, so you could set the pace. I would brand your breasts with my kisses and touch you while I thrust inside you. I would bring you to the brink of pleasure over and over again, and I would watch, and only when you could take no more would I let myself go.”
She moaned, and beneath the water, his hand moved faster still, ripples coursing around him. “Would you be rough with me?” she whispered.
A bead of sweat trickled down Niko’s face despite the cool water, blending with his drying tears. “I would be rough. I would be gentle. I would be anything you wanted me to be.”
Despite the pleasure that fought to consume her, Katerina held on, not wanting this to end. “You’re already what I want you to be,” she breathed. “No matter where you go or what you do. No matter what you think you deserve. You are mine, not because I lay claim to you but because we choose each other.”
A pained expression crossed Niko’s face, and his lips parted, as if he were about to speak. But she had no intention of giving him the chance. “Unless whatever’s about to come out of your mouth is Yes, Katerina, I don’t want to hear it. I chose you once, Niko Alekhin, and I will choose you again and again. And nothing you say will persuade me otherwise.”
This broke his control, when nothing else could. A shudder racked his powerful frame, and he stepped closer, then closer still, as if he couldn’t bear not to be touching her. “Please, Katya.” The long line of his throat moved as he swallowed, his pupils blown so wide that only a thin rim of gray remained. “Ah, gods, please. I can’t hold on.”
“Yes,” she told him as the first, tiny waves of ecstasy began to break over her, warning of the tsunami that was to come. “Now.”
Niko’s eyes fluttered shut and his head went back, his body trembling all over. Tendrils of Darkness streamed from him, and for an instant, terror bolted through Katerina—but the shades only stroked her, coaxing her through the last ripples of her orgasm, before sinking down into the black water and disappearing. And by the time Niko opened his eyes, gazing at her with reverence, gratitude, and the inevitable beginnings of regret, it was easy to pretend they had never been there at all.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
NIKO
The next day, Katerina didn’t speak of what had passed between them, so neither did Niko. Gods, it terrified him to think what he could have done to her had she not woken him. What if the shades had surged forth and fed on her, and he’d been powerless to stop it?
Still, as he knelt by the lake, splashing water on his face, he couldn’t help but steal a sideways glance at his Dimi. She stood a few feet away, eyes fixed on the bridge that would take them to Volshetska Fortress and the Magiya. She, Ana, and Sofi had summoned it together, Katerina saying the words of the spell aloud and then all three of the Dimis feeding a drop of their blood into the sand at the lake’s edge. The bridge had risen from the depths like a leviathan, breaching the surface and settling into place with a rumble that shook the shore. It looked solid, if a little worse for wear—so why did a sense of undeniable unease sweep through his body every time he glanced at it?
