This was the way a Shadow was supposed to awaken. Alert, focused. Not possessed by whatever stalked his dreams, finding its insidious way into the waking world.
How much had Alexei heard? How much had he seen, before he’d spoken? Had he been awake the whole time?
Katerina had a sinking feeling that the answer was yes.
“W-what?” she managed.
“Go after him, Katerina.” Alexei sighed. “I’ve got next watch, anyhow. And he won’t listen to anyone but you.”
Katerina wanted to tell him that Niko wouldn’t listen to her, either. But every moment that she dallied in this clearing was a moment that Niko was out there in the forest, with the Darkness bubbling from the ground and the ghosts of his past haunting him. So instead, she just muttered, “Thank you,” and followed her Shadow into the woods.
She didn’t have to go far. He’d made it as far as a craggy spire of rock that marked the beginning of the Eastern range and was pacing back and forth in front of it, blade still gripped in his hand and eyes fixed on the ground. He heard her coming, though, and whirled to face her.
“You shouldn’t have come,” he said.
“Oh, shut up.” Katerina sighed, exasperated. “You’re quite right. It’s a far better idea to leave you to your own devices, stalking back and forth until you wear a hole in the dirt. Who knows, maybe you can carve a path back to the Underworld all by yourself and spare Elena the trouble.”
His dark gaze fixed on her. “That’s not funny.”
“It’s not meant to be! For Saints’ sake, Niko, we’re in this together. Would you stop acting like we’re on opposite sides of this war?”
“Would you stop acting as if it’s safe to be near me?” he snapped. “You woke me up, and I nearly slit your throat.”
“You didn’t hurt me. You would never hurt me.” She kept her voice quiet, soothing, as she moved toward him. “And you saved us all tonight, as I said.”
“At what cost?” he retorted. “Every time I use my shades, even in service of the Light, it gnaws away at my soul a little more. This only has one end, Katya.”
At the use of her nickname, Katerina softened. “I need you to believe that’s not true,” she said, coming to a halt in front of him. “I need you to believe in the possibility that we walk away from this with everything we ever wanted. A free Iriska. A banished Darkness. A world where Elena and the demons are no longer a threat, and we can be together.”
His lips curled in the facsimile of a smile. “You want me to believe in a fantasy.”
“No.” She stood straight, tilting her head back to look him in the eye. “I want you to believe in us.”
Her Shadow sucked in a sharp breath. “That’s the only thing I believe in.”
“You don’t. Because believing in us means believing in me. It means trusting me.”
“I do trust you. It’s me I don’t trust, for Saints’ sake!”
“Well, I trust you.” What could she say or do to make him believe he was worthy of it? How could she prove it to him?
“You shouldn’t,” he started to say, but Katerina had had quite enough. She stood on her tiptoes, giving him every opportunity to back up before she brushed her lips over his.
“You can trust this,” she told him. “For I would never hurt you, either.”
Niko froze beneath her touch, but he didn’t pull away. “Please,” he whispered, and Katerina wasn’t sure he was talking to her.
“I’m yours,” she told him. “Take what you need from me.”
He reached for her, his fingers trembling as they closed on her hips. “You shouldn’t say that,” he told her. “You have no idea what I need. What I want to do to you right now.”
Katerina’s heart hammered. Above them, the clouds scudded across the moon, plunging them into darkness. Behind Niko, the spire of rock loomed, a dim monolith against the backdrop of the swaying trees. “I don’t suppose you’re going to tell me?” she managed.
Her Shadow ignored her feeble attempt at humor. Instead, he ran his hands through his hair, his jaw clenched with frustration. “I’m in pieces, Katerina, don’t you understand? Inside you, I feel whole. I crave it. I need it. But I made a promise. I swore to you on my blade. I will never touch you against your will, the way I?—”
He broke off his sentence, but he didn’t have to finish it. Katerina had already intuited as much, gods damn Elena Lisova to the Void and back.
“Niko.” She linked her hands behind his neck and drew him down to her. “If you want me, you can have me. I give myself to you freely, with one caveat.”
