‘Yes, ma’am,’ I replied, grinning as she put her arm around my shoulder.
I left after transferring Lil the money for a new flight, getting her into Jackson in three days’ time. Butterflies swarming in my gut, I knew that even though I didn’t need to be at Heathrow until 4 a.m. for a flight just after 6 a.m., there was no way I would sleep in between.
So, with equal amounts of trepidation and excitement, I packed up my room at the hotel, trying not to focus on the hellish feelings that’d filled that space since I’d been there. Eventually, after triple-checking plug sockets and under the bed, I was checking out and climbing into an Uber.
We wound through streets I knew and gradually, through the evening traffic, pub- and party-goers on every pavement, we drove out into parts of the city I didn’t wholly recognize, interspersed with memories of moments here and there over the years. I drank in every sight. London had been the first place to truly feel like home after the misery of my childhood and teenage years. It was vast and anonymous in so many ways but had accepted me for what I was, given me a place to start. But Jackson . . . that felt different.
Finally, almost approaching midnight, the airport loomed ahead.
Just six hours until I could leave.
Just twenty-four hours until I might see Jesse again.
More butterflies erupting in my chest, I set about the process of waiting, trying desperately to focus on one thing then another, careful not to let my mind wander too far. By the time we were finally boarding, then up in the air, I was ready to let the low drone of the engines pull me down into sleep.
Lottie’s messages were waiting for me when I arrived into Denver, telling me that she and Cole had been trying to get hold of Jesse; that she was willing to drive on up to Livingston Peak once she’d picked Lil up from the airport if I wanted her to.
I smiled to myself, glad that Lil and I had agreed to say nothing about our swap – just let my arrival be a surprise.
But once I’d answered Lottie, my body and brain now fully awake after a solid seven hours’ sleep, I could no longer ignore the thoughts that surrounded me; the ones that asked how the hell this would all work if Jesse and Chrissy were now back together. How would I cope seeing them together at the ranch? And would I be able to tattoo professionally on a work visa tied to the ranch?
At the back of my mind I was still turning over whether this would be a temporary trip or whether now, free of Cal and the studio, I could set myself up afresh in London. It was an option, I knew, but one that felt . . . empty.
Getting on the smaller plane to Jackson a couple of hours later, I noticed a couple of other passengers in cowboy hats, and reality began to hit. Gently, reverently, I took mine out of my case, running over the details with my fingers and remembering the day Dee had given it to me at the Collective.
That’s where I could picture myself tattooing again – fresh designs, inspired by the endless landscape all around. And as we flew into the Grand Teton National Park, descending among the jagged tips below, my old signature cherry blossom design began to morph into the small, amethyst-coloured wildflowers all around the ranch. I could picture exactly the shading technique I’d use, the precise colour combinations. Pulling out the notepad and pen I always carried, I spent the rest of the flight sketching and was surprised when we suddenly bumped down onto the runway, the mountain peaks now soaring above the plane.
I spotted Lottie in the terminal before she saw me. She was still discernibly the Lottie I’d always known, more likely to choose pastel shades and simplicity over detail, but the western accents brought her to life – made sense of the untamed curls kept in check by her camel-coloured hat, city heels swapped for the stylish tan leather boots.
She just belonged here.
I wondered if – and hoped – I might be able to pull off my own version.
Approaching her from the side, knowing she was fixed on locating her cousin, I made an attempt at Lil’s lilting drawl.
‘Howdy, cowgirl.’
Head whipping towards me, confusion widening her eyes, she froze for a moment before squealing, running to catch me in a hug that almost send us both flying.
‘What the fuck? Oh my God! Is this really happening?’ she cried, laughing as our hats landed on the floor beside us. ‘Where’s Lil? Did she come too?’
I shook my head, still holding onto her. I’d never been more grateful to see someone I loved.
‘She gave me her flight – there was nothing else for another couple of days. Besides, I made myself pretty popular with her new man; he gets a couple more days of her.’
‘I can’t believe you’re here,’ she breathed, picking up my smaller bag as I grabbed my big roll-on case. ‘Does . . . anyone else know?’
I shook my head, updating her on the last conversation between Lil and Jesse as we walked out to Cole’s truck. Lottie’s brow pinched as I repeated his words, that he didn’t know what to think about me.
‘And don’t even get me fucking started on Chrissy,’ I spat as we climbed in.
‘Yeah, I’ve had the lowdown on her from Bailey,’ she replied, giving me a grim smile, holding up a finger as I was about to ask for all of it. ‘Listen, before we get going – we can either drive up to Livingston Peak tonight, but we won’t get there until late, especially as I’ll need to grab a few things to stay over. Or, we can leave first thing, get there early and maybe stay over after the rodeo?’
Her hopeful smile was more than I could let myself join in with; she was clearly imagining an outcome I hadn’t dared to hope for.
‘Let’s go first thing,’ I replied. ‘I don’t want you driving tired and I’m sure Cole doesn’t either.’
She nodded.
