‘Just let me put some clothes on,’ Cal said, holding up his hands to me as he glanced back at Becca. ‘I can’t do this naked.’
‘That ship sailed a while ago,’ I retorted, rolling my eyes.
She glared at me. ‘I don’t know what you think you’re trying to do, but you can’t just walk back in here. It took him ages to get over you. We’re together now.’
I couldn’t help it as a laugh bubbled up at the thought of wanting him – this. I gazed around the miserable turmoil I’d lived in with him for years, blanking it out with more hours in the studio and local bars than I’d realized.
‘Honey, he’s all yours,’ I replied, an uncomfortable jolt as I heard Jesse’s voice in the words. ‘Cal, I’m going to the studio. If you can keep your dick in your pants long enough, meet me down there. We need to talk.’
‘Fuck – Hestia, wait,’ he yelled from his room; our room, once.
‘No, don’t think I will,’ I called back, turning in the doorway to face the stairs, Becca’s glare still on my face. ‘Best of luck,’ I added, not waiting for a response as I walked back down the stairs and grabbed my bag. I pulled it outside as Cal’s footsteps thundered down the stairs behind me, cut off as I slammed the front door shut.
I pulled out my phone again, preparing to call Diane. Instead I saw another message from Lottie.
I’ve told Lil you’re back in town – why don’t you meet up? She extended her stay there too – coming back in two or three weeks I think. Here’s her number x
‘Hestia! Wait!’ Cal called out, following me down the road.
‘You know, Cal, I think it’s bad form to not finish the job,’ I muttered as I shot a quick message back. The thought of meeting Lil, someone connected to the ranch – to Jesse – was more appealing than I could admit to myself. ‘In fairness to you, she looked close.’
‘Stop it, for fuck’s sake,’ he hissed, pulling me to a halt, almost yanking my phone out of my hand.
‘Are you for fucking real?’ I yelled, only just resisting the urge to push him back. ‘Your mum calls me, thousands of miles away, to say that you’re back in hospital again and the business is in tatters, only for me to come home to find some random woman riding your face? Do you know how FUCKED UP that is?’
He stared back, a toxic familiarity in both of our poses, halfway between aggression and defence.
‘Iwasin hospital,’ he growled. ‘It just wasn’t quite as bad as Mum thought, okay? It’s been really fucking rough this last month, even with Becca—’
‘Oh fuck off, Cal,’ I spat, grabbing my case handle and beginning to drag it again. ‘Every bloody month is tough for you. You know what I’ve realized? Being around normal, healthy,emotionally regulatedpeople? The life you live – that I lived with you – is the fucking symptomandthe cause of everything rough in our lives.’
‘Oh right, right,’ he mocked, following me, his mouth a hard line. ‘So is this the part where you tell me you’re going to join Lottie’s little fairy tale over there and start shacking up with some fucking American beefcake dick?’
I gave a bitter laugh, turning the corner onto the busier main road, looking out for a cab. I couldn’t bear the thought of lugging my case for the ten-minute walk to the studio with Cal bitching in my ear.
‘Not start, Cal,’ I corrected, walking again as no cabs appeared. ‘Continue. And believe me, no one’s been receiving fucking limp-wristed mediocre hand jobs on my watch.’ It was petty, but I couldn’t help it. I never could when it came to him – that incessant need to wound and scar each other, then patch it up with sex until the next time, never quite healing in between. That was why, as I heard his footsteps speeding up behind me, I wasn’t surprised when he grabbed me roughly by the shoulder and turned my head towards him.
His dark eyes burning even in the grey gloom, he brought his face so close to mine that the stubble on his jaw grazed my chin.
‘And how was he? Did he fuck you nice and hard, just like you like? Are you still aching down there? I haven’t forgotten how good that tight little—’
At one time, I would’ve leant into his hateful passion, knowing just how good the sex to follow would be. Instead, in a split second, I leant back, giving myself enough space to swing my hand up, and slapped the side of his face with resounding crack.
As he staggered back slightly, mouth open in shock, I pointed at him.
‘Don’t you fuckingdaretouch me or speak to me like that again, do you understand?’
Two women walking by behind him stopped. One of them called out to ask if I needed help. I shook my head, giving them a grim smile.
‘Now, I’m going to the fucking studio, and if you can’t behave yourself, I will call your goddamn mother first and an ambulance second, because that’s what you’ll need once she’s done with you.’
‘Christ,’ he swore, holding a hand to his face as he followed me. ‘Listen, Hestia – look, I’m sorry, okay? Can we just start again? Go and get lunch or drinks or something.’
I shook my head, marching on, knowing he’d have to behave once we got to the studio, with clients and our crew of artists there.
‘No. Not interested. We can talkbusinessat the studio. Who’s in today?’
A tense pause followed, just the sound of the wheels on my case between us.
