‘I know you’ve had more shit than most to live with, but at this point, Hes, you’re making a choice. You are one of the smartest people I know, capable of doing anything or fixing anything you choose, but you’re just not choosing to do this.’ She paused, not flinching from my stare. ‘You know I’m saying this with love, but maybe it’s better that you do have a break, go home and reassess.’
Though delivered calmly, her words stung.
‘Fine,’ I replied, mirroring her calm, pretending I couldn’t feel the cracks appearing deep down. ‘I’m leaving after the rodeo. Are you coming?’
She shook her head, halfway to the door. We stared at each other for a moment until in the same moment we walked towards each other and hugged again.
‘I love you, Hes,’ she whispered.
‘I love you too,’ I mumbled, her hair blurring as tears formed.
Taking a breath as we let go, I watched as she walked out without turning back, lifting her hand to her eyes as she went.
I returned to packing, killing time before Dee arrived. My thoughts swirled, dwelling on Lottie’s reaction, dismissing it.
This wasn’t a choice I could make. Cal was self-destructing and taking our business with it, and regardless of being in love with Jesse . . . I stopped, midway through stuffing T-shirts into the corner of my case. Torturous thoughts of the moments between us, the seconds between when we’d both known exactly what the other felt and thought.
Despite that, neither of us had said it to the other. Surely, if he felt the same . . . wouldn’t he have said it?
The sound of a car horn jolted me out of it. Grabbing my hat and sliding on my boots, I ran out of the front door, straight into Jesse.
‘Shit, sorry,’ I said as he reached out for me, his hands brushing my waist as I stepped back.
He glanced at the car, Dee smiling tentatively behind the wheel.
‘You going out?’ he asked, his voice rough.
I looked into his face, suddenly noting the darkness under his eyes, the way his face seemed drawn and pale.
‘Yeah, to the horse shelter. Need to find a place for Luci,’ I said, fighting with myself, resisting the urge to reach out and comfort him. ‘I’ll be at the rodeo later, okay?’
He hesitated, thoughts clearly churning.
‘Can we talk then? I need to tell you –’ He stopped himself. ‘We just need to talk.’
I nodded, heart beginning to race.
‘Okay,’ I agreed, not able to help myself reaching out for a moment, brushing the side of his hand with my finger as I walked past, down the steps to the drive.
His eyes blazed as he looked back at me, the depth of feeling so painfully obvious that I almost ran straight back.
But instead, climbing into Dee’s car, I shut myself down to it.
Rosie’s ranch was entirely different to the Diamond Back. On the other side of Jackson, bordering the Wind River Reservation, it nestled into the valley, surrounded by open fields dotted with barns and more horses than I could count.
‘Thirty-two horses and two donkeys,’ Rosie admitted with a wry smile after Dee had made introductions. Her accent was a strange blend of the Wyoming twang and something else I couldn’t quite catch.
‘How do you cope with so many?’ I asked as she led me over to the nearest barn. Dee was staying behind at the ranch house to watch Rosie’s little girl, Addie. Not much of a kid person, I had to admit to being taken with the way she’d stomped outside in her own tiny cowboy boots, demanding a snack as we’d arrived. ‘And with Addie, too?’
She shrugged.
‘Just getting stuck in,’ she admitted. ‘I’ve always been a sucker for animals. My family moved to Sydney in Australia when I was about Addie’s age, so I grew up in the city. Ended up living on a farm in the Australian outback for a couple of years after that, so when I came back here, I knew I wanted that same life again.’
‘Do you miss the city?’ I asked as we stepped into the barn. It was smaller than the one at the Diamond Back, but perfectly kept.
‘Sometimes,’ she replied, eyeing me with curiosity. ‘You thinking about staying here, maybe? Dee mentioned something about Jackson’s hottest bull rider.’
I smiled back at her, hoping it didn’t come across as the grimace it felt like.
