Can I call or are you still with her?
Chapter Nineteen
Ren
Lydia wasn’t speaking to me.
It was two days since we shared a tent, and not aword.
I’d fallen back asleep that morning, with her in my arms, safe and sound, but by the time I came around, I was alone.I stumbled out, half-expecting a smile, a look, something.But she was by the campfire, eating a granola bar, laughing with Amy and Claire, carefully avoiding my gaze.As we did the final hike back to the Red Dragon, she wove in and out of the other hikers, avoiding me at all costs.When we reached the B&B, I tried to hang back, to find a moment to talk about what had happened between us, but she climbed straight into her car and drove off.
No goodbye, no glance, nothing.
I spent the drive home reliving every conversation, every touch, my palms sweating.I texted her when I got home.No reply.Every time my phone vibrated, my heart pounded, praying it was her.But no luck.I didn’t understand how we’d gone from her curled in my arms to this suffocating distance.
But guilt gnawed at me all the same.This is how she must have felt when I left.Confused and hollowed out.Alone.
You deserve this, the familiar voice said,you deserve this pain.
I’d headed out on a walk, needing to clear my head, when I found myself at the steps of my brother’s house, a renovated 1930s semi, with hanging baskets and a newly painted yellow front door, painstakingly painted by Kat when she had felt like a colour change.I rapped my knuckles against the door, the porch light flickering on.
The door opened, my brother crowding it.
‘Ren?’ he said, his voice low and a little tired.He was in a T-shirt and a pair of long striped pyjama bottoms.
‘Shit!Were you asleep?’ I checked my watch and recoiled.Jesus, it was only 7 o’clock at night.Were all blissfully happy couples looking like something out of a Dickens novel at this time of night?
Liam’s eyes flickered across me, like he was scanning for injuries.
‘Sorry,’ I rubbed a hand across my mouth, feeling stupid.‘I’ll leave you to it—’
Liam grabbed my shoulder and pulled me into the house.‘Get your arse in here.’
My brother had a weird way of showing affection.
‘Who is it?’ Kat’s voice echoed down the hallway.
‘Ren.’
‘Oh,’ Kat said, appearing at the end of the hallway, also dressed in a pyjama set that looked worrying similar to my brothers.
Matching pyjamas, too?Maybe I was happy single.
Then again, I’d wear a clown suit down Everly Heath High Street if it meant Lydia would speak to me.
Kat’s eyes were curious.‘Ren.This is a surprise.Do you want a drink?Liam made a bolognese.’
She led us into the kitchen, the soft pink cabinets lit by the counter lights.The patio doors were dark, but I could just about make out the garden studio Liam had built for Kat for her interior-design business.Liam’s hands reached across Kat, grabbing a Coke Zero for himself, before turning to me.
‘Beer?’
‘Please.’ I accepted the can from Liam.‘Thanks.’
I pulled up a bar stool, sitting at their kitchen counter, taking a long sip of the beer.I glanced up to find Kat and Liam staring at me, with mixed expressions of worry and bemusement.
‘What?’
‘You look…’
