His nod came immediately, flooding me with a confusing combination of relief and guilt.
‘Absolutely.I totally understand.I’m sorry I pushed you.I won’t do it again.’
He ran his hands through his hair, keeping his eyes on the grass.He was growing quite a bit of stubble on the trip, and I hated how it made him look even more handsome, more rugged, although I’d always liked his boyish features.I got up to leave, feeling the need to put distance between us.But even then, I couldn’t completely dismiss him.
‘Ren—’ I spun to face him, and he stood upright, like an eager Boy Scout.
He turned, his eyes eager.‘Yes?’
My lips twitched.He looked like a Boy Scout.
‘It hasn’t been completely terrible.You know, having you on this trip.’
The small, hopeful smile he offered me in return threatened to crack my resolve in half.
Chapter Twelve
Ren
‘You pathetic coward,’ I shouted across the gym floor.
I’d timed it perfectly.Peak gym hours.Maximum audience.The echo bounced off the high-gloss walls and polished mirrors of Momentum’s main training space – a posh, pristine set-up, all reflective and stainless-steel.Craig was barking instructions, leading a packed-out circuit training group in the centre of the room, until my voice cut through it like a dropped barbell.
Metal weights clattered to the floor.Treadmills slowed.Heads turned.Every eye in the place shifted to me as I made my way towards Craig’s ratty face.
I’d been planning this since Lydia told me what he’d done – since I saw her face fall as she pieced it together.The subtle, devastating discrimination.The way he’d used her disability against her, knowing exactly what he was doing.
‘Excuse me?’ Craig rose to his full height – all five foot seven of it.
His black hair was slicked back, just like the first time I’d seen him.Lydia had been showing me the new equipment and he’d called her over just to embarrass her.He’d told her we’d been too loud, and that she wasn’t allowed to have non-members in the gym without his approval.She’d come back with her cheeks flushed and her spark dimmed.He’d always seen her light – and wanted to snuff it out.I should have said something then.God, I wanted to, the second I saw that look on her face.But she’d begged me not to.
Don’t make a fuss,she said.It’s fine.
Well, it wasn’t fucking fine now.
Craig cocked his head.‘Do I know you?’
He knew exactly who I was.
Because every time I swung by the gym to pick Lydia up – whether we were headed to the cinema or out for the night – his beady little eyes tracked me like a threat.Craig had always been weirdly fixated on Lydia in a way that made my skin crawl.
‘She worked here for years,’ I snapped.‘Put up with your bullshit daily.You kept her late to clean the gym.You undermined her in front of her clients.And now you sack her?Just like that?’
All eyes swung to Craig, whose face was turning a beautiful shade of puce.Craig’s jaw twitched.He was trying to stay composed, but his eyes flickered like a cornered animal.
‘This is a private matter between myself and a staff member,’ he said stiffly.
‘Oh, sonowyou know who I am.’ I stepped forward into Craig’s personal space.
The thing about being at the edge of your emotions at all times was that it was easy to step into them.They were always there, simmering at my fingertips.
Love, hope, rage, frustration.
I’d always felt so much.I hadn’t learnt to manage my emotions until I went into therapy at 16 and, slowly but surely, I developed better ways to deal with the surging North Sea that was my feelings.But the best bit?Was letting it go when someone deserved it.
Don’t get me wrong – I wasn’t some alpha dickhead.I’d always been the one to get punched.Admittedly, it was because I knew exactly how to push someone’s buttons to make them see red.Although I hadn’t leaned into this particular skill in a while – not since my brother had me by the scruff of the neck two years ago.And my brother didn’t count, surely?Who didn’t wind up their siblings until they wanted to strangle you?
I had matured.Mostly.Now I was the one de-escalating fights in bars.
