‘You shouldn’t say stuff like that, Ren.’
‘I know.’ I watched her throat bob as she swallowed, her hands clenched at her sides.I gave a slow smile.‘Doesn’t stop me thinking it, though.’
I didn’t finish my sentence because my hands slipped out of hers to hold her waist, hold her back from torturing me any longer.I pulled her in to me, planning on the ways I could get her up against a tree and press her further against me.Lock her there, keep her.
A rustle of leaves.
A girlish laugh.
A stomp of boots.
Lydia pulled away as if a bucket of water had been thrown over us just as Gen, Jade, and the others came into view.Peggy walked over to greet them, her bum wiggling.
Lydia turned to them, jumping away from me, as if we’d been caught doing something truly scandalous.If I’d had it my way, we would have been.
Mandy came into view, a conspiratorial smile on her face, ‘So who won?’
Lydia slipped on a smile, pretending the last 30 seconds hadn’t just happened.
But I saw it.
The way her smile didn’t quite meet her eyes.
‘She did, of course,’ I said, keeping it light.‘Lydia always wins in the end.’
Her eyes flicked to mine, narrowed slightly.
‘I don’t,’ she said quietly.
Chapter Eleven
Lydia’s Diary, 13 Years Old
Dear Diary,
Ren came over last night, and we went to my room to watch a film on my DVD player.It felt… different.Not bad, just a bit strange, like maybe we were getting too old for this.
Did it mean we were… together?Like boyfriend and girlfriend?
Annabel has a boyfriend at school, but they never even hold hands.Honestly, I don’t think they’ve ever spoken outside of lunch.It’s weird.But Ren and I actually talk.We hang out all the time.He helps me with my maths homework, and I help him with English, but I wonder if he actually needs the help.He’s a lot smarter than people realise, he just doesn’t like to make much effort.
I thought about asking him, but what if he laughed?Or worse – what if he stopped coming over?Sometimes he looks so sad when he gets here, like his whole day has been heavy, but he always cheers up when we put a film on.That’s why I always pick the funny ones.Shrekis one of his favourites.
After he left, Mum said it was fine for him to come into my room, but the door had to stay open now, and there would be no more sleepovers.I told her I didn’t care, but I did a little bit.It felt like something was changing, and I wasn’t sure if I liked it.
Oh, and he smelled nice.
Love,
Lydia.
Lydia
The water scalded my skin, a hum catching in my throat – even as guilt thrummed in my chest for taking the only hot shower.
Mandy explained on our arrival to the camp, which was much smaller and more rustic than the last, that while there was a shower block, there was only one cubicle with working hot water, despite her appeals to the owners to keep it in working order.I’d offered it to Amy as she sat outside her tent with a dazed look that told me she was knackered.She looked desperate to shower and to hit the hay, but she waved me off with a smile.I didn’t hold back the victorious, smug look I shot Ren as I grabbed my microfibre towel and headed to the shower block, and I heard his huffed laugh.
I shifted my shoulders, shaking them under the hot water, feeling it burn on my cold skin.I had a complicated relationship with showers – I hated the idea of them, the wet floors, hair sticking to my skin.But once I was under the hot spray, the smell of my shampoo in my nostrils, I never wanted to leave.You could call it a love-hate relationship of sorts.It was worse knowing I’d leave this warm shower cubicle, my wet hair hitting the fresh air, covering me in a chill.
