‘You do too,’ I breathed, shifting to catch his eyes in the darkness, the faint glow from the streetlights lighting up his face.
And I wished I hadn’t looked.
Because Ren was staring down at me as if I was his entire world.His eyes shifted down to my lips.And lingered.We were… so close.We were so close, closer than we’d ever allowed.There was the usual banter, touches and teasing between us, but this?His arms wrapped around me, his eyes fixed on my mouth, his breath warm at my ear – this was something else.Everything was tense and languid at the same time.
‘Ren.’ I squeezed my eyes shut, preparing myself to put some distance between us.But then my legs grazed against his – warm, bare.And it felt so good.
‘Lydia.’ His voice dropped, thick and husky.
This – the pull between us – had always been the hardest thing to fight.The way it grew quietly, stubbornly, over the years.I’d convinced myself it was one-sided.But here, tangled up in my childhood bed, with his heat and scent wrapped around me, I could feel it – that same fierce pull from him.
Maybe it wasn’t just me.
‘How are you so soft?’
His words felt like a snap, an elastic bandfinallybreaking.I shifted my legs between his, and he pulled me tighter into him, pressing himself into me, hot and hard.
‘Lydia,’ he groaned, his breath shaky.‘I’ve thought about this so many times.’
Have you?I wanted to ask.When?How?Was this always one-sided or did you feel it too?
But the question died on my lips as his eyes locked with mine and his mouth claimed me.Our gasps melted into moans, lips replacing words, and our clothes slipped away.Instead I heard the beautiful things he murmured on to my skin, how I was perfect, exactly how he had imagined.I wanted to ask exactly what he had imagined, but I couldn’t form words when his strong body was pressed between my legs, fingertips tracing and marking my skin.Maybe I should have been afraid of the words we should have said.
But as the sweat cooled and our hearts slowed, and he pulled me back into his arms – words felt insignificant.
He was honest about how he felt, eventually.
But when I woke up, he was gone.
Chapter One
Lydia’s Diary, Six Years Old
Dear Diary,
Mum gave me this for Christmas.I didn’t know what to write.But today something WEIRD happened.Two boys came.Both had brown hair.One was older called Liam.He didn’t talk.RUDE.The little one hid behind his mum like a baby.
I said hi.He looked at me like I was evil.
Mum said show him my toys.He ran off.
Rude, rude, rude.His name isLorenceLawrence.(Mum helped me spell) I told him that’s a old man name.He saidPISS OFF. That is a BAD word!I told Mum.
I just wanted a friend.But I will NEVER be friends with him.
Lydia
‘Okay, ladies!Two more minutes, let’s finish strong!’ I bellowed over Chappell Roan’s chorus, holding back a laugh at the collective groan that echoed around the studio from the three women in front of me – Amy, Genevieve and Claire – my dream team.
I wasn’t supposed to have favourites, but we’d been meeting at Momentum for three years now, and I looked forward to our sessions every week – bright and early at 7 o’clock.They were more than clients.Some of my best friends, really.
Genevieve – Gen – was half-Indian and curvy, with thick dark hair.Her petite mum had spent a lifetime pushing her to lose weight.Amy, with bright pink hair and a wiry frame, had spent her childhood in and out of hospitals with leukaemia.She fought to keep weight on.Claire, a recent divorcee with immaculate, cropped, grey hair, wanted a revenge body to spite her ex-husband, who’d left her for his younger co-worker.
They’d all come to me to fix something.But over time, their goals had shifted.Now it was about muscle, strength, and mental health.And community.
I wasn’t naive enough to think body-image issues disappeared overnight.I mean, I still hated being the tallest woman in every room, a giantess on a hill, but I was proud the gym wasn’t just about appearances for these ladies any more.It was about confidence.Achievement.Pride.
It was the reason I got into this business when I was 18 and fresh out of school.It was to bring out the best in people, and I could pinpoint exactly when that passion had begun.
