He said, through a clenched jaw, ‘Well, you’ve been avoiding me for months, so I’d say it’s worth a shot.’
‘That’s a little pathetic, don’t you think?’
‘Almost as pathetic as stealing my rota so you can avoid me.’
My stomach lurched.Shit.I didn’t know he knew.I’d told Kat to keep discreet.
Ren said, low and rumbly, ‘You think I wouldn’t notice?A little childish, don’t you think, Lydia?’
My cheeks flushed, blood rushed in my ears.‘Oh, give over, Ren.I’m allowed to avoid you if I want to.You made your own bed.Or should I say, left mine?’
I would never usually bring upthatnight.But the thing about Ren was he was always able to expose me like a live wire.He could tease laughs out of me in the most inappropriate moments.He could pull the truth from me, even when I insisted I was fine.And, mostly, he could rile even the most easy-going people-pleaser who never wanted to rock the boat.
Ren’s eyes flashed and I knew instantly I’d walked straight into the trap.
His voice dropped, low, rough, and sinful.‘You say you’re over it, that we’re fine, but then you throw that night back in my face.Tell me, Sunshine… is it still in your head?Like it’s in mine?’
Heat surged up my neck, traitorous and hot.I hated the way it gave me away.
‘In your dreams,’ I bit out.‘I haven’t given it a second thought.’
His mouth curved – not quite a smile, more like a challenge.‘Liar,’ he murmured.‘Your blush says otherwise.’
At some point we had drawn closer, our faces mere inches apart, as we argued in hushed voices.Our chests were rising and falling.At some point, I tilted my head to meet his gaze.And, God – his eyes burned into me, intense and unyielding.It made me think of the last time I was this close to him.And, before I could stop myself, my gaze flickered down to the fullness of his lips.I couldn’t help but think about the last time I’d touched them, in the dark of my bedroom, under covers – shit!
Don’t go there, Lydia!
I glanced up to see Ren’s mouth curved up at the edges of his lips.
Ren leaned in, emboldened by my stupid mistake.I should have stepped back, I should have moved, but I couldn’t, because I was pinned by the way his eyes were tracing my face.
He murmured, ‘Good to see you’ve dropped the sunshine act, Lydia.’ He chuckled.‘You don’t get it, do you?I want your anger.Firstly, I deserve it.Secondly, it means you still feel something.And thirdly, I know, deep down, that you want to shout at me.You want to bang your fists against my chest and shout.’
I clenched my fists like, on demand, I was ready to do just that.I consciously relaxed them.He wasn’t the boss of me.
Ren stepped back, and I almost sighed at the relief of it.‘And I’m prepared to wait for you to do just that.’
I flushed.He didn’t get to make these big, sweeping statements that made me feel as if we knew each other.I felt as if I was losing this conversation.I needed to get back on an even playing field.
‘What’s your end game here, Ren?’ It was my turn to step forward into his space.‘Do you think I’m going to fall back into bed with you?Like you’resoirresistible, that I’d forgive and forget the last two years?’ I scoffed.‘You’re deluded if you think that’s ever going to happen—’
Ren cut me off.‘I want your friendship back, Lydia.Nothing more than that.I know I fucked up when I left.Massively.But when I heard about you going on this trip, I knew you’d be dreading it.’
I rose to full height.‘I was not dreading it.’
Ren huffed.‘Come on, Lyds.I know you.You’re terrible with the outdoors.You’ll smash the hike, sure.But the camping.’ He raised an eyebrow.‘No posh showers out here, Sunshine.
‘I’ll be fine,’ I said through clenched teeth.
‘I know you will be,’ Ren said in an annoyingly soft voice.‘But… well, I thought if I was here and if I could help you through it… I don’t know.’ He palmed his forehead, like he was trying to find the source of this stupid decision.‘We used to help each other through shit times before.I thought maybe I could do that now.’ He scratched the back of his neck, a self-deprecating smile tugging at his lips.‘Like I could help you pitch your tent?’ He winced, his eyes squeezing shut.‘God, that sounds so dumb now that I say it out loud.’
Ren stepped back, the sad smile on his face looking more painful than anything.It was clear he didn’t know what to say any more.
‘This was stupid.I’ll go,’ he muttered, his voice quieter.‘I don’t know what I was thinking, honestly.’
Ren brushed past me.
I squeezed my eyes shut.I hated that I felt myself soften towards him, this man who used to mean everything to me – the comfort, the home and fun.But he was also the one who had broken my heart.And still… I couldn’t look at his awkward, pained face and not soften, just a little.It was like he was in my bloodstream.
