The cop frowns.
“My mom isn’t his mother-in-law yet, but she’s close enough. On top of that, she’s a lawyer, and she’s a little overprotective, and he just had to meet with her, and it did not go well. He forgot his license, and he’s been literally dying to get away from my entire family. If you can understand that at all, could you just give us a ticket? I’ll spell his name and address for you, and you can write him up with anything and everything in the citation. But if you haul us down to the station right now, my mom’s going to freak out, and oh, man. I worry what might happen.” The story’s a lie, but the sentiment’s true. I really do worry what might happen if he tries to drag us into some kind of town police station, and I feel like the officer senses the truth of that.
“Mother-in-law problems, I do understand.” His sigh’s heavy.
I spell Xolotl’s name F-r-e-d A-t-k-i-n-s, even though he tries to stop me three times to tell me that’s not right. Ancient, check. Powerful, double check. Clueless? Triple check.
“Alright, well, I’m going to have to hit you with the full speed you were driving, and I think that may be processed as a pretty serious crime. That’ll depend on the prosecutor, though.” The cop starts writing on his pad, his pen scratching away furiously.
“Hit me?” Xolotl mouths.
I shake my head. “Don’t worry,” I say back. “It’s just a turn of phrase.”
He snorts. “I’m not worried in the slightest.”
“What?” The officer looks up, his face darkening. “You should be worried.” He scowls. “You should damn well be begging me for forgiveness after driving like that, without even remembering your license or insurance information.”
“My mom told him he’s never going to be good enough for me,” I say. “Then she made fun of his car, which he bought because it was supposed to be reliable, and then she told him to break up with me or else.”
The officer whistles. “Well.” He mutters a swear word under his breath. “Fine. Fine.” He changes something, rips off the ticket, and thrusts it through the window.
Xolotl moves so fast I almost don’t see it, grabbing his wrist and flipping it over.
“Yow, what was that?” The officer’s face is bright red, and right next to Xolotl’s.
“You should thank this woman right here,” he whispers. “Get down on your knees and thank her from the bottom of your pitiful heart for keeping your miserable life.”
I pluck the ticket from the officer’s hand, meeting his bewildered eyes. “He’s not drunk,” I say. “I swear.”
The second Xolotl releases him, he falls on his butt. Then my stupid death demon-horse rolls up the window and shoots back out on the road.
“Under eighty miles per hour, please,” I say. “Unless you want to repeat that whole thing again.”
“It was unpleasant,” he says. “I’d just kill him if he flashes me again.”
I can’t help a chuckle.
“What?”
I shake my head. “Nothing.”
“You should explain. Isn’t that what these days are about? For you to explain humans to me?”
I sigh. “Well, if you say you’re flashing someone, it isn’t usually—they aren’t—it doesn’t mean. . . It’s not about lights,” I say. “It means you’re showing them your genitalia.”
“You. . .what?” He sputters. “Why would anyone do that? Are they expressing an interest in mating? Biological demands?”
“Actually.” Now I’m smirking. “Your powers are on the other end of the spectrum, ending life. Mating is sort of on the new life side, so I’m sure it’s all confusing to you. Genitalia means human sex organs?—”
“I know what it means.” He’s scowling.
“We usually keep them covered, but sometimes people who are mentally sick as you mentioned before, or who want extra attention, disobey those social norms. When they ‘flash’ their typically hidden parts, that’s called ‘flashing’ someone.”
“That’s much more than I needed to know, and it just makes my point about humans being ill.” Xolotl looks offended. His grumpy reaction’s kind of funny, really. “I request you not talk about them anymore.”
“I mean, technically, you’re the one who brought it up.”
“I did nothing of the kind.” His hands have tightened on the wheel, and I notice he’s crept back up to ninety-two miles an hour.
