Rought takes a shuddering breath. Rath presses his hand against his mouth, as if stifling a moan … or a sob.
I keep my gaze on Reck. This is for him and me to get through. For right now, at least. “And a dark-haired boy, tall, with the widest smile.”
“Both with purple eyes,” Reck says. “Powerful because their mother was destined to be the next Conduit. But we had decades … decades to love and learn …” He shudders again, grief stealing his voice.
I look down at the severed soul bonds. I look into them — just for one more glimpse of the children of my blood, the souls that were to be mine to love and protect, to nurture. To bind the four of us together throughout time. A genetic connection that would outlast even our long lives.
Then I let it all go.
The bonds tumble from my hands, beginning to fade back into the aether the moment I release them.
Reck shouts, lunging forward and falling onto his elbows as if he might actually catch them.
Their inert energy dissipates over his hands.
He sobs — a terrible, grief-filled cry. Then he goes still.
The door behind me crashes open. Presh, DeVille, Gigi, and Coda tumble through it, but their entrance is suddenly stilled as they take in the room.
I step back from Reck, who remains bowed before me, head down.
He grabs for me, cinching his fingers tightly around my ankle. “Tell me we can fix it, remake it. I’ll do anything. Anything for even a hint of that future we dreamed of.” He looks up at me then, prostrate at my feet.
I look at Rought and Rath, both similarly devastated. Another tear snakes down my cheek, and I speak to all of them as clearly as possible. “The Conduit doesn’t get that sort of life. Doesn’t get to bear children. It’s … it’s too much power, I think. I’m … I’m not quite human anymore.”
Rought nods. Though we haven’t discussed it in detail, this isn’t news to him.
Rath takes a deep breath, firming his stance. I wait, ready for him to reject me now. I’ll survive it. It will hurt, even though we haven’t completed our bond — the bond the celestial dragon must be holding for us — but I’ll survive. I always do.
“We build our family,” Rath says, pausing as if he’s run the words in his head but wants to make certain he gets them out properly. “That’s what we did before, the four of us. Moment by stolen moment together.” He tips his chin toward the small crowd of people waiting for me at the door. “We still have our decades together, Zaya. We’ll just make new plans. Together.”
I hold his gaze, listening to the promise — and the challenge — threaded through his words. Then I wipe the remaining tears from my face, smile, and nod.
He nods back, though he doesn’t have a smile for me. Not yet.
I twist my ankle out of Reck’s hold, though he lets me go easily.
“Tell me what to do,” he whispers. “I’ll do it. I’ll do any —”
“Just give me space, Reck. Time. I really don’t want to see your face right now. The echo of it on the dark-haired boy who was supposed to be mine, ours, is painful enough in my memory.”
He takes a shaky breath, clenching his hands into fists and pressing them to his chest over his heart. Fighting through his own grief — and so he doesn’t reach for me again, I think.
I turn to Presh and the others, opening my arms because I need them all right now. A distraction and …. a respite. I manage two steps before the young awry is within my grasp and holding me fiercely.
“I was so worried,” Presh gasps, looking up at me but not letting me go. “I knew … I knew you’d be okay, but …”
“Okay is an overstatement right now,” I say, unsteady as I feel more of the numbness wear off. It was the right choice, I think, to acknowledge and release the bond. But the grief lingers, soul deep. “But being back with you will help.”
She nods. Then she rises up on her tiptoes and whispers in my ear, “The Outcast has Bellamy locked up.”
I huff a laugh. “And you’d like me to do something about it?”
Presh bites her lip as her gaze flicks over my shoulder toward her looming brothers. But then she nods vigorously.
Laughing quietly, because I can literally feel myself warming from within in her presence, I step toward the others. Coda looks pissed as fuck, Gigi is detached, and DeVille only has eyes for Presh. Though that gaze is currently narrowed as if he caught what she just whispered to me.
Energy wells behind me, sharp and malignant. Bones snap.
