“Raegan, I need to confess something to you, and I don’t know how you’re going to take it. I didn’t handle it the best when I found out, but I think you should know.”
“Oh—kay,” I draw out skeptically.
“The night we had that a fight and Debbie showed up at the apartment, we didn’t sleep together.” He pauses for a moment. “She made it seem like we had so that you would break it off completely and she could worm her way in. I found out about it six months ago, and that’s why I filed for divorce. We’ve been living separate lives for the last three years or so. She’d come over to drop off Zane and saw a club whore she hated leaving the house, and she blew up on me. She let it slip and then tried to backtrack. I always thought in the back of my mind that I’d never cheat on you, but I didn’t have any proof. You had already left and too much time had passed for us.”
“Oh, Beckett,” I say sadly. “Why did you stay married for so long if you were already separated?”
I can’t believe that bitch; she ruined so many lives by her lies and deceit. I never understood why she hated me so much to do something so hurtful to a sixteen-year-old kid.
“I lost everything when you left, Raegan. I went downhill so fast; Riot thought I was going to die from alcohol poisoning. I wasn’t even sober when we made it to the courthouse to get hitched. Riot confessed he tried to talk me out of it, but it wasn’t sinking in at the time.”
“We don’t have to talk about?—”
“Yes, we do. I do. I need to tell you.”
I really don’t want to hear this because the more I hear the more I regret leaving him here and letting that parasite sink her claws into him and trick him. He was at his lowest point in life and she took advantage.
“Okay.” I’ll let him finish and then we can help heal each other.
“You have to know that I didn’t touch her even when we got married. I was only doing it because I wanted to do what was best for the kid at the time. When she told me that she miscarried, she blamed me for not being the support she needed at the time. That our child was dead because of me. It seemed like I was losing everything. You and then the baby. I just couldn’t take it anymore.” He takes another long breath and blows it out. “I started doing drugs after that. It wasn’t until Riot and I went on a long ride that we ran into Crusher in Tucson, who was the president at the time in Arizona, convinced me to join his MC and I got my life back in order. I still didn’t have anything to do with Debbie until two years later when she guilted me. We weren’t together very long and then right before I left her again, she ended up pregnant with Zane. I think she knew it was over, so she tried so hard to keep me that she got knocked up on purpose. But he’s here now and there’s nothing I can do about that. The divorce is finalized in two weeks, and I can’t wait to be rid of that bitch once and for all.”
“She will always be in your life, Beckett. You share a son and that is not something that can just go away.”
He’s quiet for a few moments and then says, “The only time she shows up is to get money out of me. She’s seen Zane a total of four times this year. I don’t mind it though. I’ve got Martha, who watches him when I work and my brothers who help me. I just wish things had been different, but then I would’ve never had the family I have now with my brothers in the MC.”
“See, at least something good came out of all of this.”
“Why are you being so nice to me after everything? Just a handful of days ago you were yelling and hating me. What’s changed?” he asks shifting his body towards me.
“Is that what you want? For me to hate you and knock the shit out of you every time we cross paths?”
He shakes his head.
“I don’t know, maybe I blame myself for what happened to us too. For the longest time, I never once shared any blame in our situation, but seeing you again and screaming at you the other night didn’t make me feel any better. I was so young back then, and maybe if I would’ve stayed and stuck by you then maybe the truth would’ve come out sooner.” I shrug my shoulders. “But I was immature then and thought my life was over. Leaving was so easy. I missed my dad too. When I got to Seattle, I had planned to come back, but then I would’ve had to live with Mom and Dennis. We both know how I felt about them at the time.” He nods knowing how much I hated what she did to my dad. “I had all of Dad’s attention. We started working on cars together and each day got harder and harder to come back.”
We stare at each other for a while, and I can see he wants to say something but is battling himself with it.
“I know you want to say something, so say it. We can’t work on being friends again if you keep it in.”
He turns and faces me fully. When his eyes soften, I can see a small glimpse of the boy I used to hang out with in high school. “I still love you, Raegan. I never stopped.”
Well, shit! Definitely not what I was expecting him to say. He leans over and before I can stop him, he locks his lips with mine.
The pressure of his lips on mine is a foreign feeling, and I push away immediately.
“Do you feel anything for me?” he asks, hopeful.
Lord, give me strength.
“Beckett, you’ll always have a special place in my heart from a time when we were kids, but I don’t have those feelings for you anymore. And I don’t think that I ever will,” I say as gently as possible. “I’m sorry.” I place my hand on his cheek. “I feel like you and Ben were my best friends and in each other’s lives for a small time when we needed it the most during that period of our youth. We’re different people now.”
He looks between my eyes as if searching for something. “It was worth a try,” he says sheepishly.
Now I remember why we butted heads so often. This guy is infuriating.
“The next time you try to kiss me though, I’m knocking your teeth out. Got me?” I raise an eyebrow letting him know to not cross that line again then sock him in his shoulder.
After a pause we have a laugh, and it’s almost like old times but in a different way.
