“W-what? What do you mean?”
“You know that I graduated not too long ago and I've been working on my game prototype for about a year.” Dexter began, staring down at his hands. “I never told anyone this, but I didn’t get my degree only to be a game developer. Yes, I thoroughly enjoy designing games, but my ultimate goal is to advance and become a game director. From there, I want to build my own studio like Sony PlayStation. I know it’s a wild dream, but–”
“No! Dexter, that’s incredible! Besides, dreams weren’t meant to be small. If that’s what you want to do with your degree, then go for it! What’s stopping you?”
Dexter briefly smirked before he stared down at the floor.
“It’s always been my dream, you know,” he sighed. “I was alone a lot growing up. Kids made fun of me because I liked the library, or because I cared more about computer coding rather than going to parties. Creating new game ideas or getting lost in a new world was the one place I felt like I belonged.”
He swallowed.
“My parents paid for my entire education because they thought I was getting ready to take over their IT firm at Green Tech, and for four years, I let them believe that.”
My chest tightened.
“I’ve been lying to them,” he continued, voice shaking. “Every semester. Every check they wrote. They thought I was coming home to run the company so they could finally retire, and I—” He let out a sharp breath. “I don’t want that life.”
Jumping out of bed, he began pacing back and forth.
“What if they hate me?" he asked, running a hand through his locs. “What if they never forgive me? Or what if they disown me and never want to talk to me again because of all of the money and resources they wasted on me?”
“Dexter?”
“I keep imagining their faces when I think about telling them, and I…I don’t know how to do it.” He gripped his chest as hestared blankly ahead, his breathing becoming short pants. “I have been so selfish! They’ll have to go back in to try to find somebody else to take over Green Tech, and that'll mean it'll be longer before they can retire.”
I quickly grabbed Dexter’s arm, causing him to stop in his tracks. “Hey! Look at me.”
I cupped the side of his face and stared into his eyes. I could feel panic fill the room with each short, staggered breath he took. He was moments away from hyperventilating, and I knew the signs all too well. There were plenty of times that I found myself having the same attack in the beginning stages of when Lawrence betrayed me.
Guiding Dexter down to my bed, I went to the bathroom and grabbed a fresh washcloth and soaked it with warm water. Hurriedly coming back to the room, I placed the washcloth on the back of Dexter‘s neck as he sat with his head in his hands. His body shuddered as he rested his head against my stomach.
“Shh, everything is going to be okay,” I whispered.
“I don't know what's wrong with me,” he said, his voice breaking. As he wrapped his arms around my waist, I ran my hands through his locs.
“Nothing is wrong with you, baby. I need you to breathe for me. Focus on my breathing…up and down.”
After a few moments, his breathing slowed down and began to match my calm breaths. Leaning down, I planted soft kisses on the back of his head and then along his neck, each one a silent promise that he was not alone. I wanted to do more for him to take his pain away, but I wasn't sure how to do so. The truth was, I was scared, too. Scared that I wasn’t enough. I had spent so much time pretending I could hold my own lies and anxiousness that I didn’t know what it looked like to help someone without losing pieces of myself in the process. So instead, I held onto him. I kept one hand in his hair, and the other on his back,feeling the rise and fall of his breathing beneath my palms. I let my heartbeat be loud enough for him to hear. If I couldn’t take both of our pain away, I could at least sit with it, and for now, I hoped that was enough.
Dexter
I smiledto myself as I reorganized the back orders in the stockroom. I couldn’t believe I had spent the night with Natalie the other night. One of the best nights of my life. While the sex was mind-blowing, Natalie showed me a different side of herself that had me falling fast. When I was going through my meltdown, she didn't freak out or kick me out of her place. Instead, she stayed by my side and talked me through my episode. Besides Key, no one knew about my attacks. I knew what I had to do to help reduce my anxiety, but I haven't built up the courage to do it.
“Hey, Dex!” Adam said, walking into the room. “Boss lady said we can go to lunch. Want to come with us?”
“Everybody's going again? That was fun.” I lied. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed going out to lunch with my coworkers, but if it were just Natalie and me, I would have a better time.
“Yeah, well, Ms. Natalie isn't coming, but the rest of us are.”
Checking my watch, I nodded. “You know what, yeah. Let me finish up this pallet, and I'll meet you at the restaurant. Shoot me the address.”
“Bet!”
Adam jogged out the door, and I could hear him tell everyone that I was going out to lunch with them. After a few moments, I could hear the bell from the front door jingle, indicating that they had left. Walking over to the bathroom, I washed my hands and headed back towards the front of the store.
“Hey girl!” I heard Natalie's voice as I got closer to her office. “Yeah, everyone went to lunch. I thought about going, but I wanted to get some work done. Since the first quarter is almost done, I want to get a head start on quarter two.”
“Giiirrll,” a female voice drawled. “I love you, but it's not about work all the time. Learn how to let go and delegate.”
