“I’m trying to learn,” I say. “I’m trying to be better for you and Za.”
Still nothing.
“Talk to me. Tell me what you think. Tell me how I can fix it.”
“I really don’t know what to say, Jabari.”
I grab her hands. “Do you think Za will forgive me?”
“I don’t know,” she looks down at our fingers intertwined. “But I don’t think this will make it any better.”
“So what are you saying? We shouldn’t tell her?”
Her lips fold in, the expression on her face saying it all.
“You think we should end this.”
Her eyes close. “I’m sorry.”
“Jelly. I know I messed up,” I continue. “But don’t tell me to stop this. When you told me I’m not the man you thought I was, my heart split in two because I’m trying to be that man right now.Please. Please don’t end this because I got it wrong once.”
I slide out the couch and kneel before her.
“Look at me. Just look at me.”
Her eyes gloss over. “Get up.”
“No.”
“Jabari—”
“I’m not getting up until you forgive me. Until you believe in me again.”
“Seriously. Get up.”
I don’t move.
I stay right there in front of her, close enough that I can see the way her throat moves when she swallows. Close enough that if I lean forward just a little more my forehead would rest against her stomach.
Her hands hover awkwardly at her sides, like she doesn’t know where to put them now that I’m here.
Now that I’m this close.
Now that I’m not leaving.
I lower myself even further, my fingers curl gently around the back of her calves.
Her breath catches. “Jabari…”
I don’t answer. Because if I speak, we might argue again.
If I speak, I might say the wrong thing again.
So instead I press my lips just above her ankle.
Her fingers twitch as I move higher, kissing the inside of her knee.
Her thigh.
