“If you wanted to end it, you wouldn’t be here in my bed.”
“That doesn’t mean it’s not the right thing to do.”
“There’s ‘right,’” I say, “and then there’s what you can actually live with right now.”
She doesn’t answer.
I tilt her chin up gently so she has to look at me.
Her eyes are glassy but steady.
“You planning on walking out tonight?” I ask.
“No.”
“You planning on telling Za tonight?”
Her lips part.“No.”
“Then what are you doing?”
She swallows. “Delaying the inevitable.”
“Or buying time,” I counter.
“For what?”
“For you to figure out whether you’re ending this because it’s best… or because you’re scared.”
Her nostrils flare slightly.
“I’m not scared.”
“You are,” I say gently. “You’re terrified.”
Her fingers curl into my shoulder. “She needs me and I can’t lose her.”
“And you think losing me will be easier?”
She looks away, unable to answer.
I don’t push.
Instead, I pull her back into my chest and press my lips to her temple.
“Sleep,” I murmur.
“We’re not done talking.”
“We are for tonight.”
My eyes are heavy. The flight, the match, the adrenaline crash. I’m not even in the mental space to argue properly anymore.
“Just a couple hours, Jelly,” I mumble against her hair as I start to nod off. “Gimme a few… hours and… we’ll?—”
“I can’t lose you either,” she blurts. My eyes open instantly and she keeps going. “I want you in my life for a long time. Believe it or not, against my better judgement, I care about you too. A lot.”
Now I’m fully awake. I shift back slightly so I can see her face.
