I swallow.
“Look,” she continues, softer now, “I know yuh know ‘em all ya life. And I sure he a nice man. But look at what yuh gotta go through just to be with him. Sneakin’. Lyin’. Hurtin’ di people ya love. Yuh cyan have it all every time, Francine.”
I nod in agreement. “I know.”
“Then learn sense!” She commands, then turns to leave like she’s said her piece and there’s nothing more to add.
I’m left alone with the mirror.
It stares back at me. Haunting me.
I grip the sink harder than I need to.
I still could fix this.
I could tell Za.
I could stop seeing Jabari.
I could choose.
And immediately my chest tightens.
Because fixing it means losing something I don’t want to lose.
You can’t have it all every time.
My mum’s words echo.
I hate that she’s right.
I lean closer to the mirror, eyes flicking over the faint dark circles under them. I look like shit.
And the worst part?
I don’t want to choose.
I want them both because I value them both differently but equally.
I want Za to forgive me before she even knows why.
I want Jabari without consequences.
I want my friendship intact and my heart full.
I really do want it all.
Wow. ?I huff out a humourless breath. Fuck it. I don’thaveto decide tonight. It can wait another day. Besides, I’ll probably goto hell for this anyway. And the road to hell is littered with bad decisions.
I straighten up, smooth my shirt, rehearse a neutral face I’ve perfected over months of sneaking around and dodging emotional landmines. Yet, I open the bathroom door and walk straight into a war zone.
Za’s voice is already raised. “Why can’t you just be happy for me?”
Her mum barely looks impressed. “A part in small production?”
“Yes,” Za snaps. “That’s what I said.”
Her mum sighs. “Chinaza, you need to think long-term. Theatre is not stable. You do not even make enough to support yourself! How much longer will you live off your friend?”
