Za claps enthusiastically, leaning forward in her seat, curls bouncing. She’s radiant tonight. Genuinely happy to be here. I watch her out of the corner of my eye and feel that familiar tightening in my chest.
You and Za should spend some time together.
Jabari’s voice flickers through my head. I knew he felt a way about what I had to say today, yet I didn’t push for things to bedifferent. Even though I asked if he wanted to come, a part of me was glad he did. Because I don’t want to explain to Za why I even invited him.
Still.
I wonder what he would say if he were here. I wonder if he’s watching.
The applause fades. The winners take the stage.
Tasha nudges my knee. “You okay?”
“Mm.” I tilt my head. “Ask me after the bar opens.”
“They deserved it, you know. The textures in their last build were insane.”
“They were,” I say. “Their lighting pipeline was ridiculous.”
She relaxes a fraction at that. Like she needed reassurance that I wasn’t spiralling. That I’m still me.
“Next year,” Za says confidently. “That’s you lot. I can feel it.”
I smile.
I hope Jabari isn’t watching this, because he’d see right through my bullshit and this fake ass smile.
I look back toward the stage. The lights feel too warm. My palms are slightly damp. I smooth them against my dress and focus on breathing normally.
Za shifts beside me. “You seem… distracted tonight.”
I keep my gaze forward. “Do I?”
“Yeah.” She tilts her head. “Like you’re somewhere else.”
You don’t know how horrible I feel right now. The biggest night of my career and all I can think about is your brother.
“I’ve just had a long week,” I say.
Za studies me for another second, then nods. “Yeah. That tracks.”
The host moves on.
Another category.
Another round of names.
The night doesn’t pause for anyone.
Tasha leans back and stretches. “So, drinks after?”
“Yes,” I say immediately. “Several.”
As applause fills the room again, I clap along, posture straight, chin lifted. Zaza on the other hand, was clapping more than necessary.
“Brava! Brava!” She declares. Tasha and I exchange looks and I give an apologetic smile. She’s from the theatre and they tend to be more… outlandish. Even while a friend is losing every category she’s in.
Not gonna lie, it’s grading my nerves a bit.
