“Why not?”
“Because it’s wrong!” Her voice cracks just enough to give her away, and she hates that it does. “What we’re doing is wrong, Jabari, and I can’t bring myself to face that yet. It’ll hurt her. It’s not the right time.”
“You’re already hurting her by fucking me,” I say flatly. I don’t enjoy saying it, but I need her to hear it. “So what’s the difference if she finds out now or later?”
She snaps back quickly.
“The difference is I could at least cushion the blow. She won’t be as blindsided that way.”
I rub a hand over my face. “Right. And how d’you plan on doing that?”
“I don’t know.”
“And when will you do it?”
“I don’t know.”
“And what happens after?”
She snaps. “I don’t fucking know, okay?”
“Exactly,” I say. “You’re delusional.”
“Well fuck you, Jabari!” she fires back. “You’re trying to push something when you’ve got no idea what the outcome will be. What happens if Za never talks to me again, huh? What if she hates me? What if she hates us? Can you live with that? ’Cause I know I can’t.”
“Francine—”
“Don’t Francine me!” she snaps. “You think I could just throw my twenty-year friendship away for nothing?”
“Woah, woah.” I lift my hands, palms out. “It’s not for nothing, Frankie.”
“Yes it is!” she shoots back. “It’s a fling. Less than a fling. The fact that I’m even here is laughable. It’s a joke. I’d be a joke for even thinking this is worth actually pursuing.”
She says it like she’s already decided she’s stupid for wanting more and she’s already made peace with it.
I should be mad. Or offended.
Instead, a laugh slips out of me.
“You’re a real character, Francine. You know that?”
She blinks. “What?”
“You really had me going with that whole ‘Za’s gonna be mad’ act. I almost believed you.” My smile tightens, losing its warmth. “It’s scary how good you are at lying, though. Be careful, you’re starting to believe that shit yourself.”
Her brow creases. “What are you talking about, Jabari?”
“I gotta spell it out for you too?”
She rolls her neck, still not getting it.
“Jelly,” I say quietly now, dropping my voice. “You ain’t scared of this getting out because of Za. That ain’t your only concern at least.”
She doesn’t interrupt.
“You’re scared this won’t work out,” I continue. “And you’ll look stupid.”
The room goes still.
