“Mummy…” I sigh. “I didn’t plan any of this.”
“It’s time yuh do some growing my child. Yuh cyan just go thru life stumbling. It’s like everyday is some new fool you got going on. And last I check yuh was seeing Benjamin. Yuh done wit him?”
“Yeah… I think.”
“You think?”
I cringe and sip my tea.
“And so question. What yuh ago do when him and Za find out?”
“They're not gonna find out!”
She cocks an eyebrow, partly because I’m loud but mostly because she wants me to explain. So I do.
“Look. I know I messed up with Jabari. I get that. But it’s over now. So why would tell Za something that’s just gonna hurt her?”
Look. I know that sounds bad but it’s my only option at this point. I mean… you heard Jabari right? I was a full participant in both situations. As much as I want to defend and deny my actions or blame them on him being him and me falling for it, I slept with him.
And there is no excusing that.
I betrayed my friends' trust and it was ripping my insides apart worse than any dick. I stare at my lukewarm tea again. Za cannot know. No one can know. Some secrets you take to the altar. Some secrets you take to the grave.
And this is one of those secrets.
Mum taps my knee. “Be careful, Francine.”
“I know.”
Mummy gives a slow nod. “Good.”
I lean my head onto her shoulder. She finally lets me rest there. After a moment, she says, softer than before:
“You love him?”
My breath stutters. “No! No, Mummy. It’s not like that.”
“Mhm.” She pats my thigh. “Finish the tea. Yuh need it.”
I groan into the mug. “Mummy, this is torture.”
“Good. Maybe then you’ll stop practice fool. Next time, chew some seamoss before hand. That should help.”??
I cringe. “Uckkk. I hate the texture of that.”??
“Well, go dry for all I care. Start a fire.”
I slump further. “This is the worst day of my life.”
She snorts. “And trust me, it won’t be the last.”
The buzzingof my phone is what wakes me. I fall asleep next to Mum on her couch as she lectures me about safe sex and how my body is a temple.
In an effort to not wake me up, she herself fell asleep. The flat is dark except for the soft glow from the kitchen light and my phone screen ringing out.
When the ringing stops, I stare at the message:
Jankro Jabari : if ur gonna ignore my messages at least turn the read receipts off.
