I wipe at my face and nod. “I know. In my head, I know. Years of therapy.” I blink back the tears and look at him. “But sometimes it still feels like I was complicit. Like I did something wrong.”
My voice steadies as I continue. “That’s why I’m so firm about consent. In everything. I can’t, I won’t be made to feel pressured.” I swallow. “It makes me feel powerless, and that’s when I retreat. When I disappear.”
Remy presses my refilled wine glass into my hand and bends to place a gentle kiss against my brow. My heart somersaults.
“You are a miracle,” he says quietly. “In your strength. In your talent. In your resilience. Everything you just told us only confirms it.”
I manage a small smile. “You aren’t ready to run for the hills?”
Erik’s arms tighten around me. “I don’t do anything I don’t want to.” His voice is steady. “And what I want is to be here with you. You understand me.”
He pauses, just enough to be deliberate. “How you became this person is tragic. But from tragedy blooms the greatest things. Operas. Love.” His gaze holds mine. “You are blooming now.”
Chapter one hundred four
Christianna
I’m outside throwing a slimy, sodden tennis ball for Bass. He loves the gross thing. When he drops it at my feet with a squelchy splat, I pick it up between my thumb and forefinger, grimacing.
“My love for you knows no bounds for me to do this.”
I pull my arm back and launch it as far as I can while he gleefully chases it.
Ruiz huffs a laugh and passes me a paper towel. “Maybe you should get gloves for this?”
I scrunch my nose at him. “You might be onto something.”
I catch him glancing at his phone. “The Earls have pulled up.”
“They’ll let themselves in,” I say. “I think David is still irritated by how much we raved about the restaurant the other night. He wants to show us what a truly perfect prawns and polenta tastes like.”
Ruiz grins. “Can I ask that you irritate him with Emeril’s next? I haven’t eaten this well. Ever.”
“I’ll see what I can do,” I laugh, picking up the ball again and hurling it for Bass.
Treble rolls over at my feet, belly out, sunbathing in the late afternoon winter light.
“Your men are here,” Ruiz advises a few ball tosses later.
“Ah. My arm is sore anyway.” I turn to him. “Does it make you uncomfortable?”
“No, ma’am. I’m used to it, and as long as it works for you, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.”
We pause as the door opens and Erik steps outside.
“I thought David was cooking,” he says. “He isn’t inside. I didn’t see James either.”
Ruiz moves immediately. “Stay here while I check.”
Erik comes to my side, wrapping an arm around me while absently scratching Treble as he rears up for attention.
Ruiz is back within moments, Remy just behind him. “They were talking to Meg.”
The breath I hadn’t realized I was holding finally leaves me. “Anticlimactic is good these days.”
I move to Remy and give him a hug. “Do you mind taking over ball-throwing duty?”
He laughs as Bass trundles up and he sees the state of his ball. He reaches into a bag I hadn’t noticed him holding.
