Because I wanted him too much.
Alex didn’t push. Didn’t look hurt or confused. He just nodded once, gentle as always. “I’ll grab us fresh drinks.”
He stood and went into the kitchen like this was the most normal thing in the world.
I sat there, heart pounding, ice pack forgotten on the couch beside me.
Okay, Eleanor. Big girl time.
I wasn’t betraying anyone by wanting this. I wasn’t erasing Ethan. I was still allowed to be alive. To want touch. To want warmth. To want a man who looked at me like I was something precious.
I wanted Alex.
I wanted him in my life. In my bed. In my future, however messy that future was.
When he came back with two glasses, I took a breath.
“Hey,” I said, my voice a little shaky. “I need to tell you something.”
He stilled instantly, giving me his full attention.
“I’m scared,” I admitted. “But, I think I’m ready.”
His eyes softened. “Are you sure?”
“I want . . . us. I want to be with you. In every way. Even the physical ones.”
I sat up and pulled him closer. The air was thick between us. I wanted him.
Leaning forward, I kiss him before pulling back to look at him. “Take me to your bed.”
He stood and helped me up off the couch. I followed him into the bedroom, my heart thumping loudly with each step. As I entered, I took it in. It smelled like him. The bed was made with a plain navy blue comforter. A chair with a little side table sat in the corner with some fantasy books stacked on it and a pair of reading glasses. Along the other wall was a dresser with another small stack of books and two framed pictures, one of Leo as a baby and the other of him and Leo that looked like it had been taken a few years ago. It was sparse, but homy at the same time.
I jumped as his arms slid around my waist, holding my back to his front. I panicked for just a moment, but then I felt his hard length pressing into my back, and that panic was replaced by heat.
I turned in his arms and kissed him. He was being tender with me. I’m sure there would be a time when I didn’t crave his tenderness, but right now I sank into it. The feeling of being taken care of filling me completely. I kissed him and began to pull at the hem of his shirt. I was ready for something else to fill me.
He pulled back and slipped his shirt over his head. I smiled, taking him in. His chest had a sparse bit of curly dark hair, and his stomach a little softness to it. He was perfect. He was real.
He nodded to my shirt, and I did the same. Lifting it off, exposing myself to him. My breasts that hung a little too heavy, my soft, round stomach with stretchmarks, all of it.
“Eleanor, you are perfect,” he said as he took one of my breasts in his hand and stepped into me, kissing me.
His tongue licked into my mouth as he walked me back. The back of my legs hit his bed, and I landed with a huff.
“Are you okay?” he asked quickly, worrying I might be in pain and stiff from the match.
But I wasn’t. The only sensation registering in my body right now was lust. I reached up and pulled him down as we scooted to the top of the bed. He got under the covers as we kissed. His hands roamed my body, igniting the fire even more. I began to pull and wiggle out of my pants. He helps me slide them off.
The next thing I knew, we were naked in his bed. His hand slid down and dipped into my core. There would be a night for foreplay. I’m sure I would crave them soon, but right now I need him to fill me. I needed it more than I remembered needing anything.
“Alex, please! I need you,” I said, pulling him on top of me.
“Okay, baby, I’m right here. Do I need a condom?”
“I have an IUD. I trust you. It’s up to you.”
He kissed me and notched himself at my entrance. The feel of his blunt cock had me rocking, trying to take him, but he just stayed there, still, and kissed me.
