I should pull away. Should maintain the distance I promised myself I’d keep. But his fingers lace through mine like they belong there, and I can’t make myself let go.
“It’s lovely here,” I say quietly.
“It is.”
But when I glance at him, he’s not looking at the ocean. He’s looking at me.
My skin prickles with awareness. “Stop that.”
“Stop what?”
“Looking at me like that.”
He traces circles on the back of my hand with his thumb. “Like what?”
“Like you’re thinking things you shouldn’t be thinking.”
A slow, dangerous smile. “I’m always thinking things I shouldn’t be thinking when it comes to you.”
I turn away, focusing on the horizon where the ocean meets the sky. The city lights reflect on the water, shimmering and beautiful.
We walk in silence, and despite everything, I find myself relaxing with Darius. The conversation about hybrids still weighs on me, a stone in my chest I can’t quite dislodge. But here, with the beach and the stars and his hand warm in mine, it feels like something I can carry.
I don’t know what it says about me, that I can be horrified by someone’s beliefs and still crave their touch. That I can see darkness in them and still want to pull them closer.
Maybe it makes me weak. Or maybe it’s just proof that desire doesn’t care about logic.
He slides his arm around my waist, pulling me closer. We walk like that, pressed together, our feet leaving prints in the wet sand that the waves wash away.
I glance at my watch. The numbers glow: 10:47 p.m.
My stomach drops.
My medicine. I need to take it at eleven. I always take it at eleven.
I stop, pulling my purse around to the front. I check the side pocket, but it’s not there. After fumbling with the zipper, I search through the rest. Wallet, phone, lip balm, tissues.
No medicine bottle.
My heart starts to race. I look again, digging deeper. Maybe it fell to the bottom. Maybe it’s caught in the lining.
Nothing.
“We should go back to the hotel,” I say quickly. “I’m tired.”
Darius disagrees vehemently. “But the night is still young!” Then, softer, “Is everything alright?”
“I’m tired,” I repeat, trying to keep my voice steady.
He studies my face. “Okay.”
The walk back to the hotel feels endless. I keep my expression calm, but on the inside, I’m spiraling. My mother has always been insistent that I can never miss a dose. If I do, the side effects will be worse than anything I’ve experienced.
We reach our hotel room, and I’m through the door as soon as Darius swipes the key card. I drop my purse on the floor and go straight to my suitcase.
I unzip it and pull out clothes, toiletries, everything. My hands shake as I search through every pocket, every compartment.
It’s not here. Did I pack it? I must have. I always take it with me wherever I go! How could I be so stupid?
