Such a simple sentence. In any other context, the meaning could be far less devastating. But in this painfully cold room, among people who once lived full lives free of the fear of life’s fragility, they carry the most painful of meanings.
And it’s with those words I watch a woman so full of fire, breathing life into everyone around her with her quick wit, hidden warmth, and overflowing empathy,shatter.
Her knees buckle, and she collapses to the floor. I’m a moment too late to stop her.
CHAPTER
FORTY-SIX
My legs give out,knees slamming into the hard linoleum floor, and I cry out in pain, but not the physical kind.
No, physical pain is one I’ve grown familiar with. It comes swiftly and passes just as fast. Unlike the emotional turmoil tearing my heart right out of my bloody chest.
Everything becomes too loud. So damnedloud.The beeping of infusion pumps, the buzz of the overhead lights, the chatter of patients, all unaware of my heart breaking in my chest. It's too much. Too much pain. Too much loss.
It threatens to swallow me, and for every logical thought telling me I’m overreacting, the irrational ones double in size, like the shadows of my childhood growing until fear overwhelms all rationale.
Agony swirls around me, loss gripping my throat and forcing me to look up, to find his chair and confirm her words for myself.
He can't be gone.
He was fine. His usual witty, warm, and crass self.
But two weeks can change so much.
His empty chair taunts me, and I let the tears fall, unable to stop them now that the dam has burst.
I’m vaguely aware of strong arms wrapping around me, but I fight them off, sinking my nails in as I buck against Elijah’s chest, the physical contact like a hot pan pressing against my chilled flesh. I'm causing a scene, one I’m sure I’ll be embarrassed by later, after I’ve had time to process this new swarm of emotion hurling itself at me.
“Adhira, please calm down,” he whispers in a voice that would usually soothe me, but now only acts to enrage me.
I fight to gain control of myself, clenching my eyes shut and gulping down air as tears continue to trail down my cheeks. The world around me shakes. My eyes burst open, and Elijah gathers my trembling hands in his.
His deep-green eyes lock onto mine, pleading for me to resurface, but I can’t; it’s too painful, too raw.
If I’d ever feared that the people who’d thrown hateful comments my way, referring to me as a cold-hearted bitch, were right, this would be all the proof I needed to dismiss them. Iwishtheir words had been true; maybe if my heart were encased in ice, I’d never have let that dreadful old Scot into it, where he could crush me like this.
Elijah drops my hands and cups my cheeks, forcing me to hold his gaze. “Adhira, I know you’re hurting, and sweetheart, I am so sorry,” he murmurs, pressing his forehead to mine. “But I need to get you up now. Jenna is waiting, and you've got to finish your treatment.”
The reminder has my stomach bottoming out, and bile climbs my throat before I swallow it back down. I shake my head, my thoughts rattling around as dizziness washes overme. “Ican’t. Not without him.” My voice cracks, and the walls I’ve spent the last few moments rebuilding convulse under the weight of it.
Elijah repeats the words “I'm sorry” over and over like a chant, and it barely registers that this is his loss too. Thathehad known Archie as well. But the selfish, broken part of me refuses to acknowledge the real reason I’m reacting like this, clogging my thoughts so thoroughly that I can’t see what he needs right now.
“Adhira,” Elijah says, dragging me to the surface long enough for a breath before the next wave pulls me under. “We need to get up. You need to finish this. If not for yourself, then for Archie.”
“He's not here anymore.” I sound angry. Iamangry.
“Then think about how disappointed he'd be if you didn't finish your treatment because of him. And if you won't do it for either of you,”—his voice cracks, and tears stream down his cheeks—“thenplease, do it for me.”
The words end on a whisper, so pitiful I have no choice but to agree. I owe him at least this much.
He doesn’t let me voice my decision before his arms cage me in, and suddenly,I’m weightless.It lasts less than a few seconds before he settles into my chair, loosening his hold just enough to draw the curtain between Archie’s chair and mine, shielding me from seeing the place where I’d once found a friend who felt more like a soulmate. An old, dirty-minded, crass soulmate in the body of a frail Scottish man with horrible taste in lollies and impeccable music preferences.
Elijah buries his face in my neck. I try to wriggle free, but the cinnamon scent on his breath pulls me back, leaving me powerless before his next words.
“You have to stay and fight, Adhira. There's no world worth living without you in it.”
I go slack in his arms, the vulnerability in his words echoing in my skull.
