I shift in my seat, tugging on the hem of his jumper, my gaze anywhere but on him.Iam the cause of his messed-up routine and undue stress. The familiar guilt of being a burden presses down on me, whispering those same ubiquitous fears against the shell of my ear.
“Adhira,” he whispers, his deep tone cracking.
“It’s okay, Elijah. I don’t mind going on my own. I’m just upset that I’ve been messing with your routine so much and I hadn’t recognised it sooner.”
His entire body sags, and he reaches for me out of instinct before allowing his hands to fall awkwardly to his lap. Something akin to disappointment slices through me, his touch no longer unwelcome like the rest of society.
“It’s not remotely your fault. I have a tendency to fall headfirst into helping everyone around me, and sometimes, I leave myself behind. It’s something I’m working on with my therapist.”
“Good,” I say, pushing out of the chair and hopping down. I grab his empty plate and mine, dumping the remains in the rubbish bin before setting them in the sink. He hasn’t moved an inch when I glance up. “I want you to go to the gym and do everything you normally would. I’ll be gone for two hours, tops. We can do something together after if you have time, but no pressure,” I assure him, my throat tight with the need to ensure he cares for himself as tenderly as he does everyone else.
He nods once, a soft smile curling his light-pink lips. “Yes, ma’am.”
That nagging part of my brain, which persists in sabotaging everything good in my life, is pleading with me to push him away. To save him from the absolute mess that I seem to always leave in my wake as of late.
But the selfish part, the section walled off just for him, doesn't truly want to push him away. And maybe it's that, or the knowledge that pushing him away won't do anything but hurt him further. Elijah is sensitive, and while it's not something I'm very familiar with, I get the sense that he wouldn't do anything but worry more if I tried to create some distance.
He moves effortlessly around the kitchen, helping me clean up before he leaves. He insists on walking me downstairs, andwhen he’s gone, I pop my noise-reducing loops in and busy myself with responding to messages, going through the motions of walking to the Tube, hopping on, and taking a seat in a quiet corner.
Elise
Checking in on everyone.
Chelsea
Burnt the shit out of my hand while making torched bananas last night, but otherwise, doing fab!
Letty
I’m deleting my dating apps, adopting a raccoon and moving somewhere with a thousand acres of land where no one will find me.
Elise
So, same as usual. Glad to hear it.
Adhira…Don’t ignore us.
Chelsea
Yeah, we’ll never go away.
Letty
Mhmm, can’t get rid of us.
I snort, typing out a quick response before exiting the Tube and heading the rest of the way to the treatment centre.
I thought you were moving to not be found? Pretty sure that means I’d be down at least one of you…But I’m fine. All is normal over here. You all act like you didn't just see me this weekend.
And make sure you ice your hand, Chels.
Chelsea
Thanks, snookums And an hour in a crowded bar before you not so sneakily slipped out does not equate to quality time spent together. Besides, we were celebrating the guys' win, not catching up with each other.
Elise
Looked like you and Elijah have gotten awfully close.
