“No,” I growl, blinking open my eyes, determined to picture a faceless woman or focus on sensation alone.
I close my eyes and try again, but as soon as the pleasure begins to build in my spine, the image returns, and a small whimper escapes me.
It’s all wrong, and I know it; I’m completely aware it would bemeon my knees forherand not the other way around.
I shouldn’t even be considering such a thing.Adhira deserves better than to be objectified by me, though I’m sure if she knew about this fantasy of mine, she’d say something like, “This is a totally normal human reaction, Elijah. Do whatever you must to relieve yourself and prevent prostate cancer while you still can. Your member won’t work like that forever.”
If tears weren’t beginning to prick the backs of my eyes, I’d chuckle at the thought. But as it seems, it’s not just any human touch I crave—it’s Adhira specifically, in any way I can have her. Even if it’s in my perverse fantasies, ones she never consented to being a part of.
Guilt weighs heavily on my chest, but goddamn, my cock is hard. It hasn’t gotten the memo that while I’m a fucking goner for her already, this iswrong.
It’s all wrong, and I should stop. But as soon as I try to remove my hand from my shaft, another whimper passes my lips, my knees trembling with the combination of emotions, and I’m too bloody weak to stop myself now.
I get lost in my imagination, picturing that perfect woman with my cock in her mouth, her hot tongue swirling over the tip. I’d slide my fingers into her thick dark waves, impaling her throat.
She’d give me those eyes. The ones telling me to be a good boy who waits to come until I’m inside her tight pussy. But just like right now, I’m definitely not agoodfucking boy. And at the mental image of blowing my load down her throat as those cinnamon-brown eyes stare up at me in challenge, I combust.
My breaths come out in ragged pants, my legs trembling with the effort to stand upright. My release coats the shower wall, muscles relaxing in euphoria as I come down from the high and enjoy a few more fleeting seconds of calm before anxiety and guilt crash back in.
I don’t know what possessed me to do it, or why I can’t seem to let it go, but the thought of her—and the release it gave me—makes me want her more. Every time I think of her like this, it heightens my need to figure out what’s really going on with her, to offer her a safe space to confide in, and to find reasons to be near her, even just a little. I crave her company, and every stir of desire only makes that craving sharper.
I continue pacing my room, wringing my arms at my sides as I wait for any sign of Adhira. Mercifully, I hear her stomping around the kitchen, the rustling of her keys, andfinally, the opening, closing, and locking of the front door.
For someone who despises noise so much, she sure makes a lot of it.
I bounce on the balls of my feet, cursing myself for how nosey I am.
What are you going to do, Elijah? Follow after her like a goddamn stalker?
Glimpses of that bandage covering her clavicle, her switch to oversized T-shirts, the bruises littering her arms in variousstages of healing, her progressive but noticeable weight loss, the constant retching, the standoffish mannerisms—it’s all I can think about. And before long, I’m flinging my bedroom door open, slipping my feet into my trainers, and hustling down the stairs after her.
My rubber soles slap against the concrete, the sound bouncing off the walls of the narrow stairwell as I make my way to the lobby. I peer out through the small rectangular window and see that she’s just exited through the revolving glass doors.
I chase after her, careful not to look too conspicuous as I pass people along the pavement, their furrowed brows and sidelong glances inquisitive. I cannot believe I’m really following her.I’m going to be bloody sick.
I pick up the pace, my eyes fixed on the back of Adhira’s head, an unseasonably warm black coat hanging from her thin frame.
With the streets this packed, she’d be unlikely to hear me call her name, so I hurry on, rushing to catch up before she can slip away.
She walks down the steps to the Tube, and I follow, digging around in my pockets as I walk, searching for my wallet. I pull out my card, ready for when we board. My body begs me to turn around and quit this mess while I still can, but as she gets on, my feet carry me after her. Adhira moves towards the quieter end of the carriage, where commuters keep to themselves and the noise is a little easier to bear.
I sprint towards the closing doors, slipping inside just in time. With a harrowing breath, I find my way to her carriage and plonk down beside her.
“Hiya,” I gasp out.
My pulse is bounding, my heart threatening to break free from my chest.I’m going to hell for this.I must have lost my goddamn mind because I’m sitting on the Tube, following thewoman I live with because I’m too damn nosey for my own good! My nan would be so ashamed of me.
Her spine stiffens, her gaze lifting from her phone to meet mine.
She doesn’t say anything for a painfully long moment. I wipe my clammy palms on my thighs, dragging a breath in for six, holding for six, then releasing.
She speaks in a hushed but agitated whisper. “Did you bloody follow me?”
My stomach churns as I nod, wincing at just how bad this looks.
“I don’t think this living arrangement is going to work, Elijah. I specifically said I wanted a flatmate who would mind their own goddamn business. And look at you, following me like a bloody stalker!”
She speaks through gritted teeth, but being in the quieter end of the carriage hasn’t stopped us from drawing attention, and my spine prickles with awareness at all the eyes on me.
