“I can handle whatever it is. You know about my mum and?—”
Everything becomes heightened. The sound of his breathing, the musky scent of his sweat-sodden attire, and the too-bright light of the overhead fluorescents all seem turned up, as if some arsehole at a frat party—absolutely off his face and desperate for attention—is controlling the metaphorical volume knob.
My mind becomes completely closed off to Elijah, shutting myself out to the rest of the world as I slip into that dangerous place of numbness.
Elijah’s frustratingly warm, worried eyes are the only thing holding me back from the familiar darkness. “Please,” I say, snapping out of my thoughts. “Please, stop. I want to go home.”
His shoulders sag, the brightness in his eyes dimming as he nods. “Do you need help getting up?”
I dip my chin in a silent “yes.”
He stands, leaning over me, and offers his hand. I grab hold of it and don’t miss the strategic way he angles my body away from his to not touch me without my direct consent, but giving me all the support I need.
It’d be easier to keep lying to him if he weren’t so damn sweet all the time. It’sunbearable.
CHAPTER
SIXTEEN
I hadn’t thoughtit was possible for Adhira to shut me out any more than she already had when I first moved in, but that couldn’t have been further from the truth. It’s been over a week since the match that went horribly wrong, and she’s reverted to hiding out in her room most of the day.
Rafael was pestering me with questions about her not joining Coach’s daughter and the others for girls’ night during our away match, but I had no answers for him. While the fact I’m not the only one she’s ignoring makes me feel a tiny bit less insecure, it deepens the worry chiselling itself into my chest.
I push all of my frustrations into the one-hundred-and-eighty-two-kilo bar hovering above my face, my cheeks hollowing out with each forced exhale. Sweat drips down my brow and into my eyes, but I go for two more reps. The weight clangs against the metal holds as I release it, my spotter takingon some of the weight as it settles into place. I drag in a breath, pushing myself up to sit.
A slap on my shoulder pulls my attention from my narrowing vision, and I find Jelani hovering beside me, squeezing firmly. “You sound, mate?”
My brows pinch as I peer into his dark-brown eyes, searching for the “right” answer.Does he want the truth because he cares, or is this an obligatory question to makehimfeel better?
He gives my shoulder another gentle squeeze, and I decide on the former. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind right now. I’ll be mint soon enough.”
“Everything with your mum and sisters okay?” he asks. Everyone on the team knows about them. It’s hard to explain turning down a shot with one of the best teams in the union, and being truthful has always come far easier to me, even when it’s caused more heartache than help.
“Yeah, they’re good. Mum started her job recently, and there have been some growing pains with that, but otherwise they’re alright.”
He drops his hand from my shoulder and plops down on the bench across from me, leaning forward and planting his forearms on the tops of his thighs. “Why growing pains? She still deconditioned?”
A wave of something like shock ripples through me at the realisation that heactuallywants to know more and speak with me about this. I’m not just some charity case to him like I’ve been to so many others before. Like I thought I was when I first got the offer from Coach Auclair. He’s worked hard to make sure I know that while he empathises with me, that’s notwhyhe offered me the spot on the team.
“I sort of had to take on the role as the girls’ primary caretaker when my dad left, and after years of treatments, Mum and my sisters have had a strained relationship.” It feels like abetrayal to tell him this, as if Mum had any say in the matter, but there’s also some relief in sharing it with someone aside from my therapist. “It’s improved a lot since I left, and she’s had all this extra time and responsibility forced on her. But sometimes during our nightly calls, the girls will tell me how she mixed up their lunches and gave Lyla strawberry yoghurt instead of blueberry, or that Ellie had to go to school with pigtails, but she only likes them when they’re braided, and Mum didn’t know or remember.”
I shake my head, willing the frustration to leave my chest. I shouldn’t be holding onto resentment for the woman who has done her very best for my sisters and me through the worst of situations.And at least she never left me.
“That’s tough, man. I’m sorry to hear that,” Nakoa says, my eyes snapping to where he’s seated on a bench half a metre across from mine beside the squat rack. Rafael is standing beside him, leaning against the rack with his arms crossed over his bare chest. I glance around the rest of the massive gym, our green-and-black logo emblazoned on the wall directly across from me. It looks like everyone has cleared out, finishing their workouts and moving on like regular people, rather than sitting here bitching about their feelings.
“Sorry, you guys don’t need to hear about any of this. I don’t want to waste your time?—”
“We wouldn’t be here if we didn’t want to be. Now, if your mum and sisters are fine, tell us what’s got you pushing yourself so hard you looked like you were going to burst a vein in your forehead,” Jelani says.
Something deep in my gut tells me I shouldn’t bring Adhira into this, at least, not in the way that’s truly bothering me, so I decide on something less personal to her. “Is Adhira usually super quiet?”
The question is met with silence for a beat, then a burst of laughter from all three men.
“What’s so funny?”
Nakoa wipes non-existent tears from his cheeks, blowing out a breath as he composes himself. “I’ve never met anyone less prone to mincing words in my life.”
“She’s more of an observer. Speaks when she has something of value to add to the conversation, but without all the flowery bullshit everyone else uses to relay the same message,” Rafael remarks.
