“I’m going to finish painting, and then I want you to shower with me, and I want to suck you off before we go to dinner. We can film it and call it our housewarming gift to our subscribers.”
Trent’s plan sends a jolt of arousal pinging through me. “I’ll get the studio set up,” I promise, shivering when he lets me go even though it’s eighty degrees out here.
He smiles, presses a chaste kiss to my lips, and smacks my butt. “Give me an hour. I’ll finish this yellow up and be ready to go.”
With excitement and happiness flooding my brain and body with all of the chemicals scientists say are love, I head back into our home, reveling in the ineffable experience that is being loved by Trent Bressler.
Chapter 47
Trent
I remindmyself that I want to suck my husband off. Sometimes it’s hard for my brain to remember that I’m safe, and it conflates sex with danger because I was abducted because of the evolution of our on-camera sex life. That’s the working theory that my therapist and I are going with, anyway. So, I get to choose moments to rearrange my brain’s chemistry around sex to get back to the place I want to be, because I’m definitely frustrated with the fact that I’m not getting to share orgasms with my husband. I want that intimacy with him. I definitely want him, and I’m about to do some scary shit to get back to the place where my desire for him is safe and happy.
Sucking in a deep breath, I finish cleaning up after my painting session and head inside, leaving my shoes by the garage door. We don’t park in the garage yet, but I promised Magnus that I would move all the shit out of the way as soon as we’re done renovating. It will be cool to have a garage to park in, even though the neighborhood we’re in is nice enough with a low crime rate.
“What’s got your mind occupied?” Magnus asks curiously as he stands up from where he was sitting at the kitchen table.
It was left by Howard and has so many nicks and scratches in it from a lifetime of love and family. The most important imperfection is a carving L plus H equals heart 4 Ever. I’m never going to get rid of that. It’s not my legacy, but it is a legacy that deserves to be honored, and someday I’m going to add mine and Magnus’s to it.
“I was thinking that being able to park in the garage is the standard for adulthood I have. I know I’m an adult, but I still rely on my parents a lot, and I was thinking that when I get to park in the garage I’ll have made it to real adulthood. It’s a weird standard,” I laugh, pulling my shirt over my head.
Magnus hums thoughtfully, watching my chest, which is always going to be an ego boost. “I’ve been living on my own for so long that I don’t remember ever having a moment like that. I don’t think I’ve ever considered when I decided I was officially an adult. I bought a bottle of wine on my twenty-first birthday, and that was the only thing I really did to enforce the idea that I’d become a part of the majority.”
I flex my guns, grinning at him when his smile grows and he looks up from my chest to my face. “See something you like?”
“Very much,” he agrees, stepping in close and running his hand up my chest. “Shower?”
I wrap my arms around him and pull him in close, kissing him softly. I suck a little on his bottom lip before pulling back. “Yeah.”
Magnus presses his face to my neck, hugging me tight, and takes a deep breath. “I love how you smell when you’ve been outside.”
I breathe with him, matching his calming rhythm. “That’s why I do it, of course. My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, or at least the most important boy.”
Magnus laughs with me and we share a smiling kiss, then he pulls me upstairs to the master bathroom. I start the shower asMagnus strips, and when the temperature is right, he gets in, sliding the curtain closed while I undress. I force myself not to look at my scars in the mirror. Usually I end up staring at them, shocked by what I survived and the reminder of what I did to accomplish that, but today I need to stay focused on Magnus, on intimacy, safety, and sex, so I don’t look. I step into the shower with my husband and tune all of my attention to him.
He immediately pulls me in close, taking the initiative to wash me up even though I’d planned to pamper him. It takes me a minute to readjust my expectations and relax into his touch, but not because I’m unwilling. My brain is less willing to go with the flow now than it was before, but with Magnus it’s easier to adjust my expectations than it is with other people. I give myself over to his attention, and without the expectation of conversation, he pampers me, cleans me from head to toe, and loves me the way I need to be loved.
When he’s done, I take my turn with him, liberally showering him with kisses as I wash him in the same way he did for me. I love his body as much as I love his mind and heart. I’m lucky that I got to learn that about myself. I’m lucky that he proposed the business plan he did. I might never have realized that I could be attracted to him otherwise.
“I love you,” I tell him as I shut the water off behind him. I kiss his smile, pulling him as close to me as I can get him with nothing but water between us.
When I pull back, I help him out of the shower and take the towel he hands me. His eyes are glued to me as we dry off, and there’s a pleased, smug little smile on his lips when he says, “You’re so sexy. I’m incredibly pleased with myself for bagging you, so to speak.”
I chuckle, hanging up my towel and reaching for him to do the same. “I feel the same. You ready?” I ask, running a hand over my half-hard dick to see if I can encourage it a little more.
Magnus nods enthusiastically. “I am. How do you want me?”
I love how easy this man is. I push him toward our studio, which isn’t the master bedroom we’re sharing. We decided to keep that aspect of work separate from the rest of our lives, so it has its own room. “You should be in profile so everyone can see that I’m actually putting dick in my mouth, but let’s start facing the camera.”
Magnus takes one step into the studio and suddenly turns, stopping me from entering. “Are you comfortable being naked on camera?” he asks levelly, indicating my nakedness with his hand.
I swallow back my immediate assurance and retake stock of my emotional landscape versus where I want to be. “Yes. I think I’m going to tell them a little about why I’ve been absent, and then I’m going to suck you off. I don’t know if I will be able to get and stay fully hard, but no one expects a straight boy to be hard when he’s with a man, right?”
Magnus wraps me up in a strong hug. “I am so fucking proud of you.”
I accept the hug and those words, breathing in the peace that he gives me and the hope for my future that he feeds me with every intimate moment like this. “Thank you.”
He releases me, and I sit on the bed facing the camera while he hits the record button and joins me. We both smile at each other before facing the audience we will post this video to.
