The ground trembles, and piles of dirt start erupting from the ground. Moments later, a dozen or more of the same type of creature rise from the ground, brandishing what looks like javelins at the Asian guy floating above me. This doesn’t look like a peaceful resolution for who gets the honor of getting me in trouble for being abducted by a baby flink, so I move under the floating guy—I’m not standing between the two aggressors like I have zero actual brains in my head.
Actually, since no one’s really looking at me, I think I’ll just keep walking. No sense in putting me or the baby in danger. If the floating guy wins, I’m sure he can find us again.
“Chirrup!”
3
“Oh baby, I don’t think this is an improvement,” I tell the flink, staring at what looks like a closet the size of a small house (bigger than my apartment) with half empty racks of clothes.
More importantly there’s a mirror that doesn’t reflect. Well, it doesn’t reflect my body. It reflects the closet, but I don’t exist in the mirror and neither does the flink.
Most importantly, there’s a group of naked Hell-type people in the middle of what looks like an excellent orgy, who’ve all stopped mid-whatever to stare at me. It’s a little unnerving and fully cringe because of the flink. Fortunately the flink immediately nuzzles back into my hair and starts baby-snoring again. I don’t even think it looked around. Hopefully it didn’t look around because this isn’t the type of environment that children should be exposed to.
I turn in a circle, spot the door, and ignore everyone else until I’m on the other side of it. Yay. A bedroom. With more orgy happening. At least this time no one really notices me. Keeping my mouth shut helps me pass unnoticed toward the next door I see, which leads to a hallway. No one is in the hall, and I blow out a relieved breath at that. I guess they’re all a little too busy with the party.
I say hallway, but really, it’s a corridor with pillars, paintings twice my size, and huge windows with billowing curtains. The floor is black and white checkered with what looks like glowing veins of lava through it.
I push the curtains to the side to look through the window and find a lovely courtyard with a lava pond and a few dozen people-ish beings wandering around, looking at the statues and chatting. A massive castle surrounds the courtyard on three sides, and I’m looking out from the center toward some beautiful wrought iron gates. I suppose this is an improvement from what looked like an imminent battle, even if the landing zone was unfortunate.
A cough from down the corridor has me pulling myself back around the curtain and coming face to face with a dozen armed guards with various expressions of anger and fear on their primarily humanoid faces. Don’t get me wrong, everyone is extremely exotic, but it’s not like they’re talking stegosauruses. Stegosaurs? How is that word pluralized?
“Google would be helpful right about now.”
“Hands up where we can see them and disarm yourself,” the lead guard commands. They’re wearing a uniform, but it’s so revealing that I can see their dick and their rather bountiful breasts. I don’t know if that’s a normal gender presentation for them, but more concerning is that the clothing seems to be made to enhance the nude form rather than cover the bits that humans don’t show in public.
“Is it xenophobic of me to wish you were a bit more covered? It’s really distracting for a person who doesn’t usually get to see what’s happening under the clothes, if you know what I mean. Also, I’ve got this baby flink sleeping on me, and I’ve recently been made aware that removing them from where they fall asleep is illegal. Which, to be honest, kinda worries me.”
Mouth, you could stand to learn a little discipline.
“Do you have any weapons on you?” the guard asks, completely ignoring my little overshare.
“I am completely unarmed and really not a danger to anyone.” Unless I count myself. I am definitely a danger to my own self on any given day, but I doubt they’re interested in how often I fall.
“Hands on your head!” the guard person shouts—a completely unnecessary intimidation tactic.
“Oh, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” that voice from before suddenly says from behind me.
“Does he have a tracker on my ass?”
The voice laughs, and I turn to see the Asian dude floating above me again, covered in a lot more blood than the last time I saw him, not ten minutes ago. “I’m tracking the flink, who's behind your head right now.”
“Well, I guess that makes sense.” I admit.
“Chirrup!” That is an annoyed chirp if I ever heard one.
And the scenery changes again. Dizziness causes me to sway on my feet as I find myself in a throne room. It’s dark except for a couple of lanterns. There’s no one in here, and the emptiness makes me feel like my breaths are echoing.
“The acoustics are incredible,” I tell myself just to hear the way the place echoes. “I honestly didn’t really think about what my own voice sounds like until this moment. Well, I mean, I’ve talked into a microphone before, but I think speakers distort your voice a bit?”
“I always sound a bit strange when I karaoke.”
“Oh good, you followed me,” I tell the Asian guy, turning around to find him floating above me, this time without the guards to distract him.
“There is literally nowhere in all the realms and universes that the flink can take you that I can’t find you,” he replies with asmirk. “I’m the best tracker in all the realms, and it’s time to take you and the baby home.”
I shrug. “I’m happy to take the baby home, but I’m going to be put out if that means you’re going to put me in jail or something. This little guy jumped on me and abducted me; I didn’t do anything.”
“No one is putting you in jail. Most everyone involved knows how precocious this little one is,” he assures me as the platform he’s riding on lowers enough for me to step up onto it. “Hop on.”
