The guy chuckles, holding out his hand. “I’m Maxime.”
“Elijah, nice to meet you,” I reply, shaking his hand. “Thanks for the interpretation services.”
Maxime smiles kindly. “Oh, it’s no problem at all.”
Harry chimes something, and Maxime turns his smile down to the little guy. “He says we should accompany you to breakfast.”
I nod, because company is always nice and my breakfast companion was going to be the guy unconscious on my living room floor.
Oh hey…
“Sure, but I probably should get back to my apartment. Darcy is currently unconscious, and it’s probably not the best idea to leave him alone too long in case something happens.”
Maxime waves his hand. “Pff, he’d be awake already if he wasn’t so stubborn, but what do you expect from a fire-dancing hedge witch with blood magic flowing through his djinn veins?”
I shrug as Maxime offers me his arm. I loop my arm through his, walking with him arm in arm. “I wouldn’t expect anything. It’s my first time with magic.”
Maxime eyebrows shoot up in surprise as we start walking again. “Really? I wouldn’t have guessed.”
“Well, I figure the universe is mighty big and there’s a lot about it I don’t know, so why not teleportation and magic and shit? I went to Hell yesterday. That was interesting. There was an orgy happening in a closet.”
Maxime laughs like the world is as delightful as he is. I love that about him. “They were probably continuing the celebrationof the deaths of their monarchs. Lilith and Bacchus were assassinated not too long ago, and Hell is still trying to figure out who to put on the throne. Some of them are just happy there’s going to be a change in leadership. Those two have ruled Hell for longer than historical records.”
“So probably not the best time for foreign visitors, then.” I bet that was why the demon was going to turn me in for a bounty.
Maxime pats my hand. “Probably not.”
A phone rings, and Maxime withdraws his from his inner jacket pocket, glancing at the caller ID before answering it. “Hello, Thoren.” He stops and listens long enough that we arrive at the food truck. I get in line behind a group of clearly hungover frat guys before Maxime says, “Delightful. I’ll be home as soon as I can, but I’ll send Harry ahead.” After another pause he adds, “Of course, my boy. See you soon.” He ends the call and smiles up at me. “I suppose breakfast isn’t in our cards today. Tell Darcy to bring you to Chez Gargouille some time. I’ll treat you to the best food you’ve ever had, and you can see my train room. It’s magnificent, and I love showing off my collection.”
“Sounds good. I’ll tell him. Thanks for the invite.” He seems like a kind person, and it’s nice of him to invite me over.
Maxime pats my hand, kisses my cheek, and claps my back harder than I expect. I trip forward, but he catches me and pats my back more gently before heading off with his little statue friend following by blipping in and out of existence at his heels.
“Weird.”
8
When I return from foraging with enough curry to keep for a couple of days, Darcy is still on the floor acting like something awful happened to him. I mean, he’s sweating bullets and moaning like he’s in pain, and that’s probably concerning. Maxime said it was just him being stubborn, but Maxime didn’t actually see him and see what was happening to him, soooo…
I leave the food on the table and squat over Darcy, shaking his shoulder. “Hey, man. Food’s here. I got curry if you’re interested. I know it’s not really a traditional breakfast food, but if other cultures can have savory breakfasts, I feel like we can too.”
Darcy moans again and shoots up to sitting, knocking his forehead into my nose and tipping me off balance. I land on my ass as he gasps for air like he just ran a marathon. The vein in his temple stands out, pulsing in a worrisome way as he jumps to his feet, completely ignoring me on my ass with my nose dripping blood from his over-the-top awakening.
He clenches his fists and suddenly roars, but that’s not the voice of a normal human person. He’s not human, so I guess it’s ok he’s roaring like—well, it sort of reminds me of a volcano monster or something like that. I don’t know why it inspiresthat imagery—maybe I’m having aMoanaflashback? The roar is terrifying but also awesome. Like, maybe-I-could-worship-a-volcano-god-for-the-length-of-a-hook-up kind of awesome, you know what I mean?
“Chill, dude. It’s just curry.” I lever to my feet, heading to the kitchen for some napkins. My shirt is ruined, but at least that’s not as annoying as having to change my pants. I grab a paper towel instead and shove it under my nose, looking at Darcy over the wad.
He stares at me with literal fire in his eyes. It’s pretty. I like it. “I don’t know which mouth breathing, pig fucking, shit licking bastard fucked with the balance of power, but I’m fixing to make their entire lives an ed.”
I tilt my head toward the table, inviting him to join me there. “What’s an ed?” I ask and point to the curry, adding “You hungry?”
“Starving,” he replies, grabbing the plastic bags of containers and ripping them open. There are six containers of curry because I have no personal discipline about good food. “It’s the past tense ending. Ed. As in killed, murdered, assassinated—I’m about to make them past tense in the most example-making way possible.”
“Ah, ok. So, what’s the balance of power you’re talking about?” I think that’s probably a good question to get out of the way.
“The Universe decided to make me the Avatar of Neutrality. There’s an Avatar of Evil and an Avatar of Good, and the three of us embody the universal forces of good, evil, and neutrality. I just been invested by the magic of neutrality, and it’s pissed. This is the most bullshit thing to ever happen. Do you know I was the Avatar of Evil for about three point five seconds about seven thousand years ago? I was the angriest djinn in existence, and I changed the balance of power in the universe with three monthsof activity. I was so good at killing people, the universe had to restructure its balance to accommodate me. It tried to make me the Avatar of Evil when I killed the one that was in power at the time, but I told the magic to fuck right off, and while I was distracted, it found someone to take the power.”
“Seven thousand years. Impressive.” I bet he’s grateful for the invention of indoor plumbing—he spent most of his life without it, and that sucks. “You going to tell the new magic to fuck off?”
