But it gets even worse when I see a silver sedan stop at the end of the street.
No.
I break into a run. “Piper!” I call, but she must not hear me. She’s opened the door and is climbing into the back seat.
My legs carry me toward her, but I’m not fast enough. Red taillights glow against the dark as her car drives away from me. I’m such an idiot.
fourteen
piper
“Piper?”Mom says. “What are you doing here? I thought you had a date.”
“I did.” For some reason,thoseare the words that make me lose it. Is it the past tense? Hot tears stream down my face, and I step into my mom’s open arms.
“Oh, sugar. Come tell me all about it.”
So I do. Dad boils water and makes me a cup of herbal tea while I settle onto the sofa and explain what I did with Clancy Calloway and my dishonesty.
“I messed up.”
“He’ll forgive you, though. Don’t you think?” Mom asks.
I shrug.
Dad looks less convinced. He adjusts his glasses, a frown marring his freckled brow. “What else is going on?”
“I’m just…it’s everything I told you earlier. I’ve been letting go of some things by giving Natalie more responsibility, but I just can’t—I mean, do I have to controleverything?”
My parents share a look.
“Just tell me,” I say.
Mom nods slowly. “Yes. You’ve always liked things a certain way.”
“Nat’s been controlling socials. I let Ravi set up books the way he wants them…most of the time.”
“But are you dying to fix them?” Mom asks.
YES. I even changed the setup once, taking all the Clancy Calloway books and putting them below D.M. James’s books instead of next to them. But I don’t say that. I just groan, dropping my face into my hands. “What’s wrong with me? Is this why I have the pen name? I always just thought I wanted anonymity—a separation so I could own the bookstore and remain unbiased and protect myself if my name ever grew huge. But it’s because I can’t control readers’ opinions, isn’t it?”
Dad shakes his head. “We can’t answer that for you, honey.”
“It’s true,” I tell them with a scoff. “I’m so afraid of my work not being loved, of being recognized as a failure, that I don’t even give people the option to recognize me. I control the outcome by not making it possible.”
“There’s nothing wrong with choosing to keep yourself separate from your books,” Mom says firmly. “That’s setting a healthy boundary.”
“But there’s something wrong with tricking Dorian into giving me his thoughts.” I drop my face into my hands and moan. “I can’t believe I did that.”
“Not your best moment.”
“I know!” I say, but my words are muffled.
“This isn’t going to fix anything either, though,” Mom says. “So what are you going to do about it?”
I sit up. “Grovel?”
“Maybe tomorrow. Tonight, I think you need to sleep.”
