But I don’t.I can’t.I’m fucked-out, blissed-out, and too gone to fight it.
“Okay,” I whisper, eyes closing.“Just tonight.”
He pulls me closer and wraps himself around me like I belong there.
“Just tonight,” he echoes, kissing the crown of my head.
We fall asleep tangled in sheets and each other.My body aches in the best ways.And for now… I don’t want to be anywhere else.
* * *
I wake with a start.I lie still for a moment, disoriented, then I remember.
Tank's room.Tank's bed.
Devin.
He's asleep beside me, one arm draped across my waist, face relaxed in a way I haven't seen before.He looks younger like this.Softer.The hard edges smoothed away by sleep.
Beautiful.
My chest tightens.
Oh no.
Oh fuck.
I care about him.I really care.Not just attraction or chemistry or want, actual feelings.The kind that could destroy me if I let them.
Panic hits fast and vicious.I can't breathe.Can't think.I just need to get out before he wakes up.Before I do something stupid like stay.
I ease out from under his arm, moving slowly so I don't wake him.He stirs but doesn't open his eyes, just mumbles something and rolls onto his side.
I dress quickly.Jeans, shirt, shoes.I don't look back.I can't look back.
My hand's on the door handle when I hear it.
"Enya?"
His voice, rough with sleep.Confused.
I freeze.
"Don't go," he says."Please.We can talk.We can?—"
"I can't."My voice cracks."I'm sorry.I just… I can't."
Then I'm out the door and moving down the corridor, through the empty clubhouse, out into the cold Dublin morning.
I walk fast—not running but close—putting distance between me and whatever the fuck that was back there.
My phone buzzes.I wonder if it’s him.Could he have gotten my number from someone?I don't look.I can't look.Because if I look, if I read whatever he's saying, I'll go back.And I can't go back.
Warren needs me steady.Needs me whole.
And Devin...God, Devin could break me worse than Declan ever did.
Because Declan I never loved.
