He drops down beside me anyway and starts handing me tools I don't need."You were off your game in church.Heard you were also gone all night."
"Word travels fast."
"Always does."He's quiet for a minute, then says, "You want to talk about it?"
"No."
"Fair.But if you keep going like this, Pyro's gonna bench you.Can't have brothers distracted on runs."
He's right.I know he's right.But I don't know how to fix this.I don't know how to stop thinking about her.
"I'll sort it," I say.
"Yeah?"Cowboy doesn't sound convinced."Because you've been staring at that carburetor for ten minutes and haven't actually done anything with it."
I look down.He's right.The part's just sitting in my hand, forgotten.
Fuck.
"I'll sort it," I repeat, more to myself than to him.
He claps me on the shoulder."Alright, brother.Just don't let whatever this is eat you alive.We need you sharp."
He leaves, and I'm alone again with the bike and my thoughts and the weight of knowing I'm letting the club down because I can't get a woman I barely know out of my head.
I want to text her.Want to call.Want to show up at O’Hara's and make her listen, make her understand that it wasn't about her.That she was—is...
What?
I don't even know.
I barely know her.
But it feels like I do.It feels like I've known her longer than a few hours.It feels like she matters in a way I can't explain and don't want to examine too closely.
By the time the sun sets, I'm exhausted.Bone-tired but too wired to sleep.I consider going back to O’Hara's.Consider finding her.
No.
She told me to leave.That means leave.That means don't come back.That means respect her enough to stay the fuck away.
Even if it's killing me.
I head to my room, strip down, lie in bed and stare at the ceiling.My phone's on the nightstand.I could get her number and text her.Just do something.Anything.
I'm sorry.
It wasn't about you.
You deserved better.
But what good would it do?Words can't fix what I broke.They can't undo the hurt I saw in her eyes.
Better to leave her alone.
Better to let her hate me.
She's safer that way.Better off.
