"Yeah."
He studies me for a long moment, then shrugs."Alright.Don't fuck up whatever you're about to fuck up."
"Wasn't planning on it."
"Never are."
He walks out, leaving me alone with my coffee and my thoughts.Neither are particularly comforting.
I lean against the counter, staring at nothing.My phone's in my pocket.I could ask for her number.She works for Callie, so I could easily get it.I could text her.Apologize properly.Explain.
Explain what?That I'm so fucked up I can't keep my past from bleeding into my present?That I'm sorry for making her feel like she was nothing when, in that moment she was was everything?
She was something.
Is something.
Fuck.
I down the coffee even though it burns, then pour another cup.The caffeine's not helping.Nothing's helping.My skin feels too tight, my chest too heavy, and I can't stop replaying the moment, the exact second her body went rigid beneath mine, the way her eyes went wide and hurt and furious.
Get out.
I should've fought harder.Should've made her listen.Should've?—
No.
She told me to leave.I left.That's the only thing I did right last night.
Cowboy wanders in around ten o’clock, looking like he's been dragged through Hell.His kid must've been up all night again.He nods at me, pours coffee, doesn't speak.We stand there in silence for a few minutes, both lost in our own shite.
"You alright?"he asks eventually.
"Grand."
"You're a shite liar."
I almost smile.Almost."Yeah."
"Wanna talk about it?"
"No."
"Fair enough."He takes a sip and winces."This coffee's brutal."
"Pyro made it."
"Explains everything."
More silence.Comfortable this time.Cowboy doesn't push.Never does.It's one of the things I like about him.He knows when to let things lie.
But then he says, "Whatever it is, don't let it fester.That shite'll eat you alive."
He's talking from experience.I can hear it in his voice.See it in the tired lines around his eyes.
"Noted," I say.
He claps me on the shoulder, then leaves.Off to deal with his own demons, probably.We all have them.The club's full of men running from something, or toward something worse.
