Not a request.It never is with Pyro.
"Yeah.Course."
I follow behind him and note that Preacher and Raptor are already there, sitting around a table.Two beers already opened and another two unopened.They’ve been waiting for me.This is an intervention.Or close to it.I sit down opposite Pyro, accept the beer Raptor pushes toward me, and wait for whatever the hell this is to get started and finished.
Pyro leans back as he studies me."You look different,” he says with a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth.
"Do I?"
He nods as he reaches for his own beer.”Yeah.Calmer, more focused, less like you're about to punch someone for breathing wrong."
Raptor snorts."That's one way to put it."
"What Pyro's trying to say," Preacher adds, "is you look like a man who's got something to lose now.Something worth protecting."
I take a drink.I don’t deny it.There’s no point.These men would see through the lie."Yeah.I do."
"Good," Pyro says."That's good.But it changes things."
"I know."
"Do you?"He leans forward."Because family changes everything, Tank.Changes how you think.How you operate.What risks you're willing to take."
"I'm still a brother."
"Never said you weren't.But you're also a man with a woman and a kid now.Can't pretend that doesn't matter."
"I'm not pretending anything."
"Then talk to us.Tell us what's going on in your head."
I'm quiet for a moment, trying to find words for the mess inside me.
"It's overwhelming," I say finally."Balancing the club, and Enya and Warren.Trying to be what they need while still being who I am."
"Who you are is a protector," Preacher says."Always have been.It’s just now you've got specific people to protect instead of just the abstract idea of it."
"What if I fuck it up?What if I'm too violent?Too damaged?What if Warren grows up and realizes?—"
"Realizes what?"Raptor cuts in."That you're human?That you did what needed doing to keep his mam safe?"
"That I killed his dad."
"For the right reasons," Pyro says firmly."There's a difference.And when he's old enough to understand that, he will."
"You don't know that."
"No.But I know you.And I know you're not going to let that kid grow up thinking violence is the answer to everything.You're going to teach him better."
"How?I don't know how to be a father.A role model.I don't know how to be soft enough for a five-year-old and still be myself."
"You learn," Preacher says."Same way the rest of us did.Same way Cowboy's learning with Saoirse.You figure it out as you go."
"What if I can't?"
"Then you ask for help," Raptor says."That's what brothers are for."
I stare into my beer, throat tight.
