We watch as she moves to her room and then Enya turns to me."She likes you."
"Yeah?"
“Yeah, she really does.She’s very protective of me and Warren and she’s given you her blessing to take care of us.”
"Good.Because I was terrified."
She laughs."You?Terrified?"
"Your mam's fierce."
"She is.But she's fair, and if she says you're good, then you are."
I pull her close and kiss the top of her head."Still feel like I'm going to fuck this up."
"You won't.And if you do, we'll figure it out.We’re both learning as we go.”
"Together."
“Always."
“Right, I’m off,” Mary says, giving Enya and I a bright smile.“I expect to see all three of you on Sunday.No excuses.Enya, my sweet girl, I’ll call you this evening.”She waves goodbye as she leaves, closing the door quietly behind her.
Warren runs past us, a dinosaur in hand.No doubt he’s off to wreak havoc in his room probably.
And I just stand here, holding Enya as we listen to Warren play, feeling more at home than I have anywhere.
* * *
Later, I step outside of the flat and down the stairs until I’m outside in the cold night, needing air and needing to think.
I pull out a cigarette.Stare at it.Then put it back in the pack without lighting it.
Can't smoke around Warren.The kid doesn't need to breathe that in.Doesn't need to see me doing something that'll kill me eventually.
Small change, but it matters.I lean against the wall.Just breathe.Process.
My life's changing.Fast.In ways I didn't expect and can't control.
I’ve got a woman I love.A kid who trusts me.A future that's suddenly real, instead of just existing day to day.
It's overwhelming.
I need to talk to Pyro.I need advice on balancing club life with family.Because I can't just disappear from the club.I can’t stop being a brother.But I also can't put Enya and Warren second.
I need to find the balance.I also need to make this flat safer, which means better locks, maybe a security system.Something that'll let Enya sleep without fear.And long term, maybe we move.Get a better place.Somewhere Warren has a garden, somewhere Enya doesn't have memories of Declan lurking.
This is happening.This is my life now.
And I want it.All of it.
The door opens behind me.Enya steps out and wraps a cardigan around herself against the cold.
"You alright?"she asks.
“Yeah, just thinking."
"About what?"
