Better than good.
And that's the problem, isn't it?I wanted him.Really wanted him.Not just the physical release but the connection.The way he looked at me like I was more than just a body.But it was all in my head.
He wasn't seeing me.He was seeing her.Emma.Ghost girl.Dead girl, probably, based on the way he said her name, like it was being torn out of him.
The kettle whistles.I pour the water over a tea bag, watching the color bleed through, turning the water amber.
My hands are steadier now.The panic faded to a dull ache, manageable, familiar.
This is fine.I'm fine.
I'll go to work tomorrow, serve pints, smile at customers, and come home to Warren.Same as always.And if I see Tank again—which I won't, because why would I—I'll pretend I don't know him.Pretend nothing happened.
Easy.
Except when I close my eyes, I see his face.The horror when he realized.The shame.
The way he said sorry like it could fix anything.
"Stop," I mutter to myself."Just stop."
I take my tea to the couch and curl up under the blanket that's always there.The flat's dark except for the streetlight glow coming through the windows.Everything's quiet.Peaceful.
But my mind won't shut off.
I keep thinking about the way he touched me.Gentle.Reverent, almost.Like I was something precious.
No one's touched me like that since…
Well.Since ever, probably.
Declan was rough.Demanding.He took what he wanted and didn't care if I wanted it too.
Tank was different.
He was careful.Made sure I was with him every step of the way.
Until he wasn't.Until he was somewhere else entirely, with someone else, and I was just…
There.A body.A replacement.
The tea burns my tongue but I drink it anyway.I need something to focus on besides the ache in my chest that won't go away.
I should hate him.
I want to hate him.
But underneath the anger and humiliation, there's something else.Something softer.Because I saw his face.I saw the genuine horror when he realized what he'd done.
He didn't mean to hurt me.
Doesn't mean it didn't hurt.
Doesn't mean I'll forgive it.
I won't.
I can't.
