I flopped back and stared up at the ceiling. “I’m on the pill,” I finally said.
He paused. “I’ve never been with anyone without one.”
“Never?”
He shook his head.
“Me either.”
“Can I…”
I sat up and met his eyes. “Yes.”
“Thank God.” He pushed me down gently and settled himself between my thighs. He notched himself at my entrance and then thrust inside until he was fully seated. “Fuuuck,” he groaned. “Jesus, you’re tight.”
I cried out, overcome with the familiar sting of fullness from taking all of him. He waited until I wrapped my legs around his waist, my old signal to him that I was ready for more, and then he began pumping into me. The delicious feeling of being stretched combined with his cock hitting the spot inside me that made me see stars was intoxicating.
And then we were lost in each other, our bodies taking over. It was like muscle memory, like we’d never been apart. Soon, I was coming again. It triggered him to come, too, and we rode out the high together, finally collapsing beside each other.
Breathing hard, we turned our heads at the same time and met each other’s eyes. I smiled. It had been like coming home. I’d never felt anything like what we’d just done with anyone else, and it almost brought tears to my eyes. I had missed the version of Harrison I’d loved so much all those years ago.
Lying beside him now, looking into those brown eyes of his, I felt like I had him back.
“So,” I said as his hand stroked lovingly over my breasts and abdomen, “why didn’t you have any condoms?”
He averted his eyes for a moment before looking at me with vulnerability. “I, ah, haven’t needed them.”
My eyebrows shot up. “What?”
He propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at me where I lay. “After we broke up because of what I did, and I couldn’t get you back, I went kind of wild for a while. After you transferred schools, I got even more arrogant, more convinced that I deserved all the perks that came with being the best football player on campus. I took full advantage, I’m embarrassed to say. I slept around and just further lost who I had been.”
I tried not to cringe thinking about how many women he’d probably been with.
“Even then I knew I’d fucked up the best thing that ever happened to me. I never felt satisfied. I kept looking for more and different and variety and whatever I could find that might be anything like what we had. But I never found it. Not even close. I was angry and frustrated and decided I needed to stop with the empty sex and date someone. That’s when I started going out with Candy. That still didn’t help. Not really.” He chuckled a little. “I actually thought she kind of looked like you. If I squinted during sex, I could try to pretend it was you I was with. It never worked.”
He wiped a hand over his face. “It took the injury and the end of my football dreams to make me come to my senses. After I graduated and moved back home, I just… wasn’t into dating. I was depressed. I knew I’d lost you and would never get you back. I put all my energy into work. Before long, I realized it had been a year without sex. Then another year. Before I knew it, I was celibate. I took care of myself in the shower, but that was it.”
I stared at him. “Wait. Are you saying you haven’t had sex inyears?”
He chuckled. “It sounds insane when you say it out loud, but… yeah.” He shrugged. “That’s why I don’t carry condomsaround anymore.” His brown eyes were intense as he looked at me. “Why don’t you have condoms?”
I explained I hadn’t wanted to traumatize my dad or Tim, and we both laughed. “And, I haven’t had a whole lot of need for them, either.”
He grinned. “Tell me all about that.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’ve had one mildly serious relationship since you. It was a guy on the football team at Georgia. We dated for a while, but it just didn’t feel right. He was a great guy, but he just wasn’t you. I mean, who you were before the whole Aubrey situation. Anyway, it didn’t work out with him. Obviously. I’ve been out with several guys over the past few years, but I only slept with a couple of them.” I thought about it for a moment. “I had the same problem you had, I guess. Sex was just never close to as good with anyone else.”
He pulled me over to him, holding me in his strong arms. I laid my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat, finding the sound relaxing.
“It wasn’t just sex,” he said, his voice loud and rumbly in my ear. “It was everything. Conversation, attraction, love, and just… that certain something that we’ve always had. Like we could finish each other’s sentences.”
I agreed with him. “My dates were always let downs.”
We didn’t sleep much that night. We were too wrapped up in finding each other again, remembering each other’s bodies, lost in overwhelming feelings of familiarity and passion.
He fell asleep before I did. I lay there, knowing I was in trouble. Because now that I had him back, I didn’t know if I could ever let him go again.
Was I ready for that? Was I even okay with that? I had forgiven him that night at our tree. But did I want to try to reclaim what we once had?
