“For the longest time, I would’ve hoped it meant I’d never met you in the first place.”
Ouch. That stung terribly, and I rubbed my hand over my heart unintentionally. “And now?”
“Now? I don’t know. I’m caught between wishing I’d never met you and wishing we could go back and change what happened.”
I nodded. It was progress. I’d take it. But I still didn’t know where that left us, if anywhere. “Do you need help taking that inside?” I gestured towards the package in her hand.
“No, I’ve got it.” She smiled, waved, and turned to walk away.
I watched her until she’d gone through the gate and closed it behind her.
As I drove home to Halliwell that evening, I thought long and hard about things. What was I hoping to accomplish? I knew I wanted her back, but the odds of that happening were incredibly low. I knew how I’d behaved was abominable.
So, could I settle for friendship? I dragged a hand over my face. Of course I wanted to be friends with her. She’d been my best friend for the longest time. That had been part of what had made our relationship so great, so special. The problem wouldbe having to watch her date people and eventually settle down with someone, get married, have a family… could I really stand by and smile convincingly while all of that happened?
I wasn’t sure I could. I sighed. Maybe it was a moot point anyway. She might not ever be able to be friends with me again anyway.
And I had to be okay with that.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Sadie
The summer passed quickly, as it always does, and soon we were preparing for the last party before the new school year began.
I had found myself thinking more and more about Harrison lately and realized I couldn’t enjoy the party because I was looking for him to arrive.
After dinner was served and he still hadn’t gotten there, I knew he probably wasn’t coming. I should be happy. Relieved. Able to relax. Instead? I was… disappointed. What the hell is wrong with me? I stood around the edges of the party, not really interacting. There were a ton of people there, and I didn’t think Melinda and Drake really noticed that I wasn’t giving it my all. As long as I was there to show my support, I thought that was all that really mattered.
As soon as I could, I said my goodbyes.
But then I sat in my car for a while, unsure of what to do. I didn’t want to go home. And I couldn’t quit thinking about Harrison. Why hadn’t he come today? Was it because of how cold I was to him at some of the events? I winced. He was the best man. He should feel able to come and support Drake without worrying that someone was going to treat him badly.
A small voice in my head reminded me of how badly he’d treated me. I blew out a breath. It was years ago. I was twenty-seven years old now, a grown woman with a career I loved, loyal friends, a loving family, and more. I had done what I’d planned on. I came back to Indigo Falls and was working at my former high school as an English teacher and cheerleading coach. It was everything I’d ever wanted.
Except Harrison wasn’t a part of it.
I leaned my head on my steering wheel. Why couldn’t I get over him? His betrayal was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. It had been so public, so brutal… there was no coming back from that. So why did my heart beat faster every time I saw him? Why did my skin tingle whenever he touched me?
“What is wrong with me?” I growled at myself. This was ridiculous. I’d just go home and work on lesson plans for the first of the school year or something. But as I pulled out of the parking lot, I took a left instead of a right. And then I kept taking turns that were taking me someplace very familiar. A dangerous place.
But it felt necessary.
I got out of my car at the back of the trail that led to lookout point. I didn’t want anyone to see my car and know I was here. Yet another joy of living in a small town, I thought wryly. Everyone knew what I drove and everyone would know the history of this place. They’d remember what it meant to Harrison and me. At least everyone I went to school with would.
So, I took off my heels and walked up the back trail. It was much harder than the side trail I was used to, and I was a little out of breath when I finally reached the top. My daily jog didn’t include a lot of hills. I kicked at acorns and looked around. The leaves were still full and green. It would be another couple of months or so before they started changing colors. Fall was myfavorite time of year. It always had been. I had decided long ago not to let what happened affect how I felt about fall, cheering, football, the excitement surrounding a new school year, or anything related to the time of year I loved so much.
I just wished I’d been able to keep it from affecting how I felt about myself, relationships, trust, and loyalty.
I looked up at the sky as I walked closer to the lookout. It was dark, and I smiled. The sky was full of stars. It would be a good place to sit and think once I reached lookout point.
I was almost there. I rounded the corner and saw our tree.
Suddenly, I stopped. Someone was standing on the other side of the tree. I sucked in a breath as I realized it was Harrison.
He was running his fingers over the initials he’d carved into the tree before we left for college. I didn’t let myself think about that too hard as I slowly backed away. I didn’t want him to see me here. I had almost made my escape when I stepped on a dry twig. The sound it made was ridiculously loud for the size it was. It sounded like a gunshot.
Harrison looked up and our eyes locked. We stared at each other for a moment. I didn’t want to acknowledge why I was here. That I had come to sit and think, to contemplate everything that had happened between us.
