Two hours later, I was staring at my ceiling fan as it whirled in perpetual circles. I turned on my lamp, picked up my Kindle, and tried to lose myself in the new thriller I’d downloaded. When my mind wandered even when the detective was being chased by a serial killer, I knew it was not going to be the distraction I needed.
I turned off the light, forced myself to close my eyes, and took deep, calming breaths. It wasn’t long and my eyes were open again. It was impossible to sleep. I kept tossing and turning with thoughts of him, what we’d had, the future we’d planned, the multiple ways he’d wrecked me, and more running through my mind. Unable to stand it any longer, I threw back my sheets and walked around the small house I’d bought last year on my teacher’s salary. It had taken a while to save up for a decent down payment, but I’d finally done it. And I loved it.
I looked around at the hardwood floors I’d sanded, stained, and returned to their former glory, the walls I’d painted carefully in cool, soothing colors, the furniture I’d lovingly restored from rehab stores… YouTube tutorial videos were awesome. But even all of that wasn’t enough to make me happy or drown out my thoughts tonight.
I was going to make a cup of hot tea, curl up on the couch with a soft blanket, and read some more. Somehow, I knew that wasn’t going to work. I stuffed my feet into some shoes by the door, grabbed my keys, and fled.
It was as if my heart was in control, my body falling back on muscle memory. Before I knew it, I was parking in the lot below the path to lookout point. I’d always thought of it as my spot with Harrison. This would make the second time I’d been here since we broke up. After navigating the path by the light of the moon, I walked right up to the railing. I stood there for a bit, enjoying the late spring chill in the air.
I leaned over and looked out over the town. From the lookout, you could see the whole town spread out below. From this vantage point, I’d always thought the lights and buildings looked like one of those Christmas villages people collect.
Harrison and I had come here dozens of times. We’d laid out a quilt and made love under the stars. We’d held each other and talked for hours under the branches of the huge old water oak that seemed like the caretaker of lookout point. I’d leaned against its trunk while Harrison kissed me and talked, kissed me and planned, kissed me and told me I was his forever. And I’d said it back.
I ran my hand over the rough bark of the big tree now. It hadn’t changed a bit, even though I had. I plopped down on the damp ground and leaned my back against it. I didn’t have the heart to check for the initials Harrison had carved into the tree not long before we’d left for college. That would hurt too much.
I sat there, not caring that I could feel dew soaking through my thin pajama shorts. I barely noticed. My thoughts had flipped back to the last time I’d come here with Harrison, when things were still beautiful, still golden. Before I was broken and had to put myself back together carefully, piece by piece.
I couldn’t believe I’d be seeing him in less than twenty-four hours. Even though it had been five years since I’d last seen him, it felt entirely too soon.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Sadie
It was time to get ready for Melinda and Drake’s engagement party.
I took a deep breath and clutched the beautiful dress I’d bought for the occasion to my chest. It had been a stretch on a teacher’s salary, but I was good with my money and had a healthy savings account. That and my car being paid off helped a lot.
I put the dress on and smoothed it over my toned curves. It was a wrap dress, with a plunging neckline that showcased a bit of my cleavage. It was also short. It hugged the line between elegant and showing too much, but I loved it. It was the exact cornflower blue color of my eyes. Harrison had always said he loved my eyes. I shook my head, wishing I could banish him from my thoughts forever.
But I couldn’t seem to do it.
I spent extra time on my hair and makeup, making sure everything was perfect. I’d had a spa day this week with Melinda, so my nails were freshly manicured. I looked down at the high heeled sandals that went so well with my dress and admired the polish on my toes. I’d picked the perfect shade of pink.
I put a hand on my abdomen as I locked up and walked to my car. I was trying to calm the nerves that were rocketing through my body. On the way over, I turned my playlist up loud and sangalong with Gracie Abrams and Chappell Roan. When I parked, I reminded myself of how far I’d come since Harrison had broken my heart. I wasn’t that same young girl who’d been blindsided by his betrayal. No, I was a grown, confident woman now.
Still, the thought of seeing him again made that confidence falter. If I had my way, I’d never be within a hundred miles of him. But life doesn’t always work out the way we’d like it to.
The party was outdoors in a field on Melinda’s parents’ acres of property. There was a huge, white event tent set up. I stood outside for a moment, taking in how beautiful everything was. There were Edison lights strung strategically throughout the tent and in the surrounding trees bordering it. It was a beautiful night, not too hot or humid, which was a miracle in Georgia even in spring. I walked in and immediately saw Carrie and Blair with their husbands. I waved and walked over. Before I could even say anything, Carrie hurried over, hugged me, and whispered, “He’s not here. It looks like he’s probably not coming.”
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. The relief I felt was immediate, but then I instantly wished it wasn’t like that. I wished I wasn’t affected by him at all anymore.
“Thanks, girl. You know me so well.” I smiled as I pulled back from the hug and then made myself comfortable at their table.
“I’ll get you a glass of wine,” Blair’s husband Scott said, and he was gone before I could even thank him.
Before long, we were talking, laughing, eating, and having a good time like we always did together. Melinda and Drake kept glancing over at our table longingly, but they were too busy moving around the tent and speaking with everyone to actually have any fun yet.
“You didn’t want to bring Patrick?” Carrie asked.
Carrie’s husband Thatcher had set me up with a nice guy he played golf with. I’d been out with him a few times, but it was becoming clear to me that I saw him as a friend more thananything else. I shook my head as I took another sip of wine. I’d lost track of how many glasses I’d had so far, which wasn’t the best thing in the world. Oh, well. I think I was just so relieved Harrison wasn’t here I was letting loose for the evening.
“No. Patrick and I are just friends, I think.”
“The dreaded friend zone,” Thatcher sighed, exchanging a glance with Carrie. “I really thought you’d hit it off with him.”
“I like him,” I protested. “I really do. There’s just no zing. No chemistry.” I shrugged. I swallowed hard as I thought about the chemistry Harrison and I had together once upon a time. Unfortunately, I hadn’t experienced anything close to that with any of the guys I’d dated since him. Dammit.
Suddenly the music changed from low-key, pleasant background music to Melinda and Drake’s favorite song, “Carry You Home” by Alex Warren.
