Then he walked in, called my name, and I went into his office. After I was seated, I studied his appearance. I’d originally thought a female therapist might be better for me. They seemed like they’d be more caring. But Mom and Dad both had heard great things about this guy.
“Hello, Harrison. I’m Dr. Huntsberger.”
He smiled warmly at me and shook my hand.
“Sorry if I don’t stand, doc.” I gestured to the window, where the rain was coming down. “The weather really gets to my leg.” My leg didn’t bother me most days. But I’d found that the weather affected it, especially cold, rainy days. For a while, I’d even had to use a cane to get up out of a deep chair on days like today. But that was rare now. Thank goodness.
He waved a hand. “Of course.” He walked over to his desk, grabbed his laptop, and then sat down in a comfy looking chair. Once he was settled, he asked me some basic questions and went over some screening paperwork I’d filled out. He told me the paperwork indicated mild depression.
“I’d like to try to treat it with talk therapy first, but if you still show signs of depression in a couple of months, I’ll recommend medication.”
I nodded. I wasn’t surprised by that.
“Okay. Now that we’re done with all of that, tell me what brings you in.”
I was quiet for a minute while I looked around his office. He had a lot of calming items sitting around, from pictures of the ocean on the walls to mini fountains burbling in a couple of areasaround the office. I also noticed an aromatherapy diffuser that turned colors while putting out a soft lavender scent. It was nice. Tranquil.
“I guess the most obvious reason is my injury.”
“Tell me what happened.”
I told him, also bringing up the original injury in high school, how the injury happened and what the doctors had said.
“I can’t play football anymore.” I think it was the first time I’d actually said the words. I’d heard them said many times, but I thought it was probably a big step that I’d volunteered the information.
“And what does that mean to you?”
“I had to come up with a new life plan. I had assumed I’d play in the NFL one day. That’s not going to happen.”
He nodded.
We talked about it some more, and I found myself feeling better the more I talked about it. So far, therapy seemed magical. I didn’t understand why talking about my problems to a person who didn’t know me helped, but it seemed to.
“When you first talked about why you were here, you said ‘the obvious reason’ was because of the football injury. Is there another reason that comes to mind?”
I nodded. “I… cheated on my girlfriend.” To my surprise, I felt the prick of tears behind my eyes.
He took that in, a non-judgmental look on his face. “Why?”
I blew out a breath. “I’m not totally sure. I think maybe it was a lot of reasons.” I winced. “But the worst one is that I felt entitled to cheat.”
“Why is that?” Dr. Huntsberger asked.
“Because I was the best football player on campus and one of the best quarterbacks in the nation. I was already regretting that I’d met Sadie so young. I wanted to have sex with lots of women, experiment, try things, get all of that out of my system beforesettling down. But I did meet her young, so that was out of the question.” I got a small smile on my face. “I loved her. I thought I was going to marry her. But I went and wrecked it all.”
He crossed his legs at the ankle and adjusted his glasses. “And how did you wreck it all?”
“Well, I was already jealous that the other guys on the team were with different girls every night. Then it got worse. I had to stay at school for summer practices, and Sadie went home for the summer. All my fraternity brothers were also getting with different girls every night of the week. Or at least it seemed that way. I felt like I should have the chance to fuck around, you know? I was only nineteen at the time, there were beautiful girls all around me, and they were throwing themselves at me. Especially one girl in particular. Finally, I took her up on the offer.”
I looked up at him nervously, afraid I’d see judgment or disgust in his eyes. But I didn’t. He just looked… calm.
“And why not break up with your girlfriend first? It’s not necessarily wrong to want to be with multiple, willing partners when you’re young and exploring your sexuality and your options.” He studied my face. “But itiswrong to cheat on someone you supposedly love.”
“I… well, I didn’t want to break up with her. I loved Sadie. I still do. But she wasn’t there, and I wanted to have sex. And this girl, Aubrey, that was there with me was always bringing sex up. She talked about it, offered it, told me I should have all the sex I wanted, and so on.” I looked at him. “She even had sex in front of me, trying to lure me into having sex with her.”
He studied my face. “Who do you think is to blame for your cheating?”
I sighed. “I think it’s multiple people. Sadie, Aubrey, me…”
