“I had more I needed to say.”
She rolled her eyes. I took in her appearance. She was so damn beautiful. Her hair was pulled back, and she was dressed for practice. Her eyes looked swollen, and I wondered if she was still crying a lot. She also looked like she had lost weight. I had, too. It was hard to force food down when I was so upset.
She plopped down in a chair. “So, talk. I’m told I have to do this, so let’s get it over with.”
Her words were like a knife to my heart. She had no desire to be near me. None. “I just want you back. Tell me what I have to do,” I couldn’t keep the emotion out of my voice, and tears came to my eyes. “Please, Sunshine. I’ll do anything.”
I saw some sort of emotion flash across her face before her eyes turned cold again. “There’s nothing you can do. I willneverget back together with you.”
I flinched at how harshly she said the words. “Can we at least talk about it? I need to defend myself.”
She gave me a look. “Defend yourself? What are you even talking about? There’s not much you can defend. You cheated on me. The entire world found out because you’re an idiot and didn’t realize she was filming you. End of story.”
“Don’t you care that she seduced me? She was always talking about sex.” I ran my hands through my hair. “She had sex in front of me on purpose. She was trying to get me to cheat all year, but it got so much worse after you left for the summer. She’d get me all worked up and you weren’t here to… sleep with me.”
She looked at me dispassionately. “So, you’re saying it was her fault for being a seductress and my fault for not being here.”
I nodded, saw the look on her face, then shook my head. “Not exactly. I mean, if you’d been here, it wouldn’t have happened.”
She gaped at me. “Unbelievable. If you’re so weak that you’ll cheat the second my back is turned, I guess I’m glad I found out when I did. I warned you about her more than once. And guess what? It takes two to have sex. I’ve seen the videos. You certainly weren’t forced into anything you didn’t want. You were a very willing participant. Isn’t that why no lawyer would take your case? They didn’t believe you over Aubrey, right? Quit trying to blame everyone but yourself.”
I sighed. “I mean… yeah. I should have stopped it sooner. But I did eventually stop it,” I reminded her, hoping she’d give me some credit. “And it was just sex, Sunshine. It meant nothing. I didn’t have any deep feelings for her or anything. I just wanted to see what sex was like with other people. I wanted to try things we hadn’t done yet. But I never, ever wanted to break up with you.”
“Don’t ever call me Sunshine again. You’re a total cliché, you know that, right? You’re blaming everyone but yourself eventhough your dick didn’t just jump into her mouth without your knowledge. You had choices every time you fucked her. And now you’re saying it was just sex? I’m pretty sure that’s what every cheater says.” I leaned forward and made sure to hold eye contact with him. “If you wanted to have sex with other people, you should’ve broken up with me.”
“I know that,” I said, starting to feel desperate. “But I didn’t want to lose you! I just knew if we broke up for the summer, we’d never get back together. And…” my voice trailed off. Instinctively, I felt like what I wanted to say wasn’t going to go over well. So, I stopped myself.
“And what?” she asked, frowning.
I took a deep breath. “And I couldn’t stand the thought of you with other guys.”
“I knew it,” she said, standing up. “You’re not only a liar and a cheater, you’re also incredibly selfish, arrogant, and a hypocrite.”
“Please don’t leave.” I walked toward her, wanting to hold her. I felt like if I could just get my arms around her, she’d be unable to leave me. I knew she still loved me. She held a hand up, though, and I stopped. “I wanted you to know that the reason I look like I’m having a good time in those videos was that I was closing my eyes and pretending it was you. That’s what I had to do to… finish. Sex with her wasn’t good.”
She snorted. “Right.”
“No, I’m serious.”
“If sex with her was so bad, why did you continue to do it over and over again?”
I sighed. “I kept thinking it would get better. That maybe my guilt was messing it up…”
“Oh my God, you are such an idiot if you think saying things like that is going to make me want to be with you again.” She leaned in close to me and hissed, “I need you to hear this. Iwon’t be talking to you again. You and me? We’re done, as I’ve already told you. We are completely, totally over. I’m leaving Carruthers at the end of this semester. I loved this school, but after your disgusting sex videos came out, I haven’t been able to go anywhere without hearing someone call out, ‘Sorry, Sadie.’ It’s awful.” She wiped her eyes, and that’s when I saw that she was crying. Again. I winced. I’d done this to her. I’d hurt her like this.
“Stay away from me,” she begged, the tears streaming down her face now. “I can’t stand to be around you. You make me physically ill. I only have a few more weeks before I never have to see you again. Between now and then? Don’t try to contact me. Don’t come to my dorm and try toSay Anythingme. Don’t yell at me from the sidelines. Don’t stalk me at the library or my classes. Do nothing.Nothing. That’s the least you can do. Do you understand?”
I stared at her. I could see anger, disgust, and hurt on her face. But I didn’t see any love. My heart sank. It reallywasover. She was done with me. “I’m so sorry.”
She gave me one brief nod, then turned to leave.
And all I could do was watch her walk away.
Chapter Seventeen
Sadie
The old adage, ‘this too shall pass,’ had never been more appropriate for a situation I was in before.
