I cried myself to sleep several nights. It’s been forever since I cried over a man, Levi’s dad many moons ago. I hated he lied to me when he looked me in the face and told me what he thought I wanted to hear.
I never got liar from Rayzor. He’s always been truthful and real since day one. If there’s a reason he didn’t want me knowingthat part of his life, he could’ve told me and gave me the option to choose if I wanted to deal with him after that. But it’s the constant streets talking, telling me his secrets only for him to tell me something different like the people were lying, that did it for me.
My family meant everything to me, and I couldn’t put them in harm’s way. And the truth revealing itself to me in the manner it did showed me that I dove headfirst into a relationship with Rayzor off lust. That’s my fault. But I saved us from anything brewing in the dark. I just hated it had to come at the expense of my broken heart.
“Eris,” Erin called out, walking into the kitchen with Levi following behind her.
“Mommy.” Levi waved.
“Hey, baby.”
Without asking, I grabbed his snacks off the counter, handing them to him. He took them and ran off. I turned around and her eyes grew. I scrunched my nose out of reflection.
“What?”
“Your eyes are red. This song has been on max volume for the last hour and days, and you’ve cleaned the house from top to bottom. Something wrong?” she asked with concern.
“I’m fine, Erin. I just needed to clean the house, that’s all.”
“The house is already cleaned. Look at you…” She pointed to me. “There’s nothing even there.”
I glanced at my hand moving in a circular motion, cleaning the same spot on the counter repeatedly. Once I realized, I snapped my arm back, leaving the cloth where it was. It made me feel silly that she saw me at my lowest.
“You need something?” I asked with my hand on my hip.
“No. But I know something’s going on because that’s the only time you play this song so much.”
“Alright, nosey. Since you don’t need anything, I need to finish cleaning so I can cook.”
“Is Rayzor coming over? It’s pizza night.”
Hearing his name made my stomach twinge and heart break. My eyes snapped up at hers, and I swallowed hard to prevent the swelling I felt every time I thought about him.
“No, not tonight. Not for a while.”
“What? Why?”
I didn’t involve Erin in my business; that’s not a place for her. If she picked up on things, that’s one thing, but actively telling her was a no in my book. She’s a child and didn’t need to be hearing grown folks’ business.
“He’s just not. I’ll fix y’all something in a minute.”
“Rayzor’s coming?” Levi yelled out, adding insult to injury.
“No, baby. He’s not.”
His little smile faded quickly.
Both of their faces were dull and that made me fucking mad. That’s the reason I didn’t want them getting too attached to him. I thought about the future and wanted to protect their feelings in case something ever happened. It’s not like I wanted Rayzor and I to break up, but it’s for the best.
“But he said we’d have pizza, and he was taking us to the mall too. What about the trip?”
“Erin, please!” I yelled without meaning to.
She jumped and that made it worse.
Her and Levi looked at me confused.
Before I could even say anything to her, she walked off with Levi in tow. That broke my heart.
