His hold weakened. I tried to keep him strong. It wasn’t working.
He closed his eyes.
I felt myself getting weaker. My head throbbed. My body was in pain.
The police sirens got louder as they got closer.
“Pa, hold on. Help is coming.”
His arm dropped to his side.
Before long, everything went black for me, and I passed out.
I woke up in the hospital without an eye, a concussion, and Pops was gone. After that, life took a drastic turn for me that I wished everyday didn’t fucking happen. That’s my biggest regret. I should’ve fought harder.
“I miss you, Pops.” I ran my hand over the headstone. “I’m keeping my head on a swivel and shit. You know how I kick it. Career’s going good. I wish you were here to see it. Leek’s growing up. I’m trying to be there for him, but Ma’s still making it hard. The only thing I can do is handle it how she’s throwing it at me.”
The waves on the lake rolled. I glanced over my shoulder to see the ducks sitting, riding on the streams. At peace. Something I tried to make part of my life, but I was content, not at full peace the way I knew shit could be.
“They treating you aiight up there? You drinking your water? Y’all need water up there or do y’all stay hydrated? Do you even feel thirst? See, there I go rambling again and shit. You know coming here still get a nigga tight. Make me feel like I can’t say the right things.”
I always felt crazy as fuck talking to him. When he first passed, I used to talk to him often. Hell, before he was buried, I begged my mama to let me go to the funeral home every day. She thought it was unhealthy, but I’d stay there until they told us to leave. I was battling wounds from the fight and on bedrest, but I couldn’t stay away from Pa. I felt it was my fault that he waseven in the ground. If he hadn’t tried to save me, that last wound wouldn’t have happened, and he’d still be here.
“I love you, Pop.”
I sat to make peace with it.
Fresh flowers sat at the plot. It’s good knowing people still fucked with him after all these years. Usually, after the casket drops, they forget about you. Every chance I get, I come to sit with him. Most times I don’t talk, just chill.
Heading back to the Tahoe, I spotted a car across the road, watching. Windows dark, but it was running with the headlights on. Glancing around trying to see if anybody else was here, it was only me and the groundskeeper.
The sun hit the windshield enough for me to see someone behind the tint. I squinted, trying to see through. Hand on my Glock, I was ready to put a nigga in his rightful place since we’re here. I didn’t want smoke but always had fire.
I took a step closer. I was about to pull it from my side, but the car slowly crept by before speeding down the small road. Remembering the model and drive out tag, it looked like the one that followed me to Eris’ job and the movies.
Maybe I was tripping.
Hopping inside my truck, I glanced back up the hill at Pop’s grave, exhaling before throwing the truck in gear and slowly rolling away from it until it was in the distance. Every time I left, it felt like I was leaving him behind. He’d never do that shit to me, that’s why I make sure to show up for him.
The car was out of sight when I hit the main road and the chills on the back of my neck disappeared.
After visiting Pop, I handled some business then headed to Maleek.
“Sup, man.” I ruffled his hair.
He smiled.
“Nothing. We got Betsy today?” he said coolly.
“Yeah. You know with it being Pop’s birthday, I figured it’s a good time to bring her out. You ain’t ashamed, are you?”
He shook his head.
“Nope.” He touched the dash. “Where we going?”
“Wherever you wanna go.”
“Ma’s working late tonight, so can we go to your house? It’s been a little minute since I’ve been there.”
