Hayden’s eyes flick to me, looking like a deer caught in headlights. Stunned, eyes wide, like I’ve somehow uncovered a deep, dark secret. But come on. That’s not such a big leap, is it? I mean, they’re best friends who lived together, who enjoyed living together. Then one of them leaves and the other is left behind in their shared apartment. That has to be hard.
Hayden sucks his bottom lip in between his teeth and chews on it for a couple moments. Watching him, I get the urge to tug the poor lip free and soothe it with my thumb.
But then Hayden’s gaze drops again and he lowers his head like he’s ashamed of something. “How did you know?”
He sounds so small and fragile that my heart sinks. Fuuuck. This feels exactly like it did with my mom. That’s definitely not a good sign.
I give him a light bump with my shoulder. “I’d miss my best friend if he moved out on me.”
For a second, nothing happens. Then Hayden lifts his gaze from the floor and it collides with mine. All the air is expelledfrom my lungs and I forget how to breathe. I can’t see the green of his eyes in the dark club, but even then, it feels like I’m looking into his soul. There’s hurt there, and sadness. Confusion and loss.
It’s so much like Mom that I feel like I’m back there again. Helping her through the depression. Coaxing her back to life. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. I certainly wouldn’t wish it on someone like Hayden.
“Incoming!” Bellamy shouts as he barges past us with a tray of fresh drinks he deposits on the table. Craft beer, whiskey, margaritas. He waves everyone over and hands out the drinks.
I pass a margarita to Hayden and he throws me a smile of thanks before melting toward the back of the group. I follow him, suddenly afraid that he’ll disappear if I lose sight of him.
Bellamy throws an arm around Noel’s shoulder and holds up his glass with the other. “I just want to say thank you to all you guys for welcoming me into the fold. I know I was ‘the enemy’ for a long time?—”
“No, you weren’t!” Rhys interrupts. “We all liked you just fine. It was only Noel who had a stick up his ass.”
Noel gives him the middle finger while laughter ripples through the group. Hayden tries to laugh too, but it feels awkward and stilted.
“Well, now I’ve replaced the stick with something better.” Bellamy reaches down and gropes himself.
Noel rolls his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest in a pout. But his lips still tilt up at the corners like he can’t quite fight back his grin. “Anyway…”
“Anyway…” Bellamy continues. “Noel and I are both really excited about this documentary. It means a lot that you’re all helping out with it. This is our family in New York and we’re super grateful to have you in our lives. Here’s to The Camboy Network!”
Beside me, I feel Hayden shift and I look over just in time to see him slip away. He takes up a spot against the wall a few feet down and stares into his margarita like the bright pink liquid holds the answers to all of life’s secrets.
I glance around at the group. None of them seems to notice Hayden’s not with us anymore. And if they have, they don’t seem worried. I’m not sure what to do.
With Mom, sometimes she needed us to pull her out of her loneliness and back into life. But sometimes she just needed to be alone and recuperate. I don’t know Hayden well enough to know what he needs. Hell, I’m not even certain he needs anything from me or if he needs anything at all.
I shouldn’t be jumping to conclusions about what’s bothering him. Just because he’s sad doesn’t mean he’s depressed. Just because I think he’s sad doesn’t mean he’s actually sad.
His friends know him better than I do. They’re all so tight with one another. They would know if something was seriously wrong, right? They would’ve done something about it, right?
Hayden slides down the wall an inch, like his legs aren’t quite strong enough to hold him up. He must feel me staring at him because he lifts his head and our eyes lock across the distance.
Maybe I’m imagining it, but I think I see a cry for help. My heart thuds, louder than the music pumping through the nightclub’s speakers. I’m probably not the right person to help him. I just met the guy. The only things I know about him are what he’s posted on the internet.
But I also can’t ignore what’s in front of my very eyes.
I grab the two chairs we were sitting in and drag them over to the wall. If he feels better over here, then that’s where I’ll meet him.
“Thought you might like to sit,” I say, setting the chair down next to him.
He looks at it for a moment, like he’s trying to decide whether he should accept the favor. Then slowly, he lowers himself into the chair. I put the other chair down right beside him and plop myself on it.
Neither of us speaks for a moment. Then Hayden leans over.
“Thanks,” he says, almost too quiet to be heard over the music.
I smile, proud of myself for making the right choice. “No probs, dude.”
CHAPTER
