“We’re ready for you guys!” Sebastian calls through the sliding glass doors.
Santino jumps to his feet and we hold hands as he leads us out to the terrace. The sun is bright and the sky is blue without a single cloud in sight. A decent breeze blows across the terrace, cooling the hot, summer air.
As Sebastian walks us through the scene, Christian quietly taps me on the arm.
“Do you need…?” he gives me a meaningful look.
I gulp as embarrassment heats my stomach and I shake my head discreetly. “I already took one.”
Christian nods and gratitude fills me at his simple question and simple acceptance. Like my dick not working isn’t a big deal. Like it might be normal.
Sebastian finishes showing us where he wants me and Santino positioned and where he’ll be with the camera. Then it’s time to start.
We head back inside so Sebastian can film us coming out. I’m first, shrugging out of the bathrobe I’m wearing and tossing it across a lounge chair. Underneath, I’ve got on a Speedothat’s a size—or two—too small. It’s barely covering my dick and definitely riding up my ass crack.
I pretend to stretch as Sebastian moves around me with his camera. When he gives me the signal, I jump into the pool, making sure I do that head toss thing when I surface. Water sprays in an arc over my head, catching the sunlight and casting rainbows everywhere.
It looks really cool. The water is super refreshing. And despite the darkness doing its best to sink its claws into me, I can feel its grasp slipping. I’m going to be okay. Everything’s going to be fine.
I push off the wall and swim a few laps back and forth.
It’s weird. Sometimes, when the darkness has me in its grip, it feels like I’m underwater—I can’t breathe, everything’s dull and muted, I’m sluggish when I try to move. But now that I’m actually in water, it feels nothing like that.
It feels nice moving my arms and legs in a way I’m not used to. They slice through the water quickly and easily. I can hear the sound of my steady heartbeat, the rhythm of my breaths, the splashes I make when I swim. The swirling blue patterns on the bottom of the pool are clear and bright, and I can feel the warmth of the sun on my back.
My hand touches the wall and I reemerge to find Santino crouched down on the deck in front of me. He’s also wearing nothing but a too-small Speedo. Sebastian’s off to the side with his camera pointed at us. Christian’s behind me in the water with a GoPro.
I smile up at Santino, squinting a bit at the sun in my eyes. “Hey.”
He smiles back and it honestly feels like joy exploding inside me, chasing away every dark and evil thing. Love spreads through my body, finding all the cracks and crevices and filling them up. I love him. For all the things he’s done for me. For theway he makes me feel. For just being who he is—patient, selfless, devoted, caring.
“How’s the water?” Santino asks.
“Come in and find out.” I lift a hand and flick some water at him.
He flinches and jerks away for a moment and when he turns back, he’s got a mischievous, playful look in his eyes. He stands and takes a couple steps backward. Then runs and cannonballs into the pool.
I get a face full of water as it sprays everywhere. Waves slosh over the sides of the pool. I’ve just managed to wipe the water from my eyes when Santino splashes me again. He laughs while swimming away and I give chase.
We play, squirting water from between our palms, kicking water in each other’s faces. Eventually, we graduate to wrestling, dragging and pushing each other under the surface. It doesn’t feel like we’re shooting a video. I kind of forget Sebastian and Christian have cameras trained on us. It feels like we’re hanging out at the pool. It feels like we’re having fun.
When we’re both breathless and tired from swimming and treading water and attacking each other, we end up in the shallow end. Santino latches onto me—legs around my waist, arms around my neck. I hold him close, loving the heat of his body against the coolness of the water.
He brushes my hair off my face, wipes the water drops from my skin. The sunshine makes his eyes look more golden than brown and there’s a tenderness in his smile that makes my heart skip a beat. He’s so beautiful—on the outside and the inside. His soul is so good and precious and pure.
You don’t deserve him. How dare you think you’re good enough for him.
No. I’m not going there. I’m not giving the voice any room in my head for its lies. Deserving has nothing to do with anything.Santino chose to be here. He chose to stay. He can leave whenever he wants and I need to trust he knows how to make decisions for himself.
He draws the tip of one finger down between my eyes, along the bridge of my nose. Then he gives me a cute little boop. I catch the finger with my lips, sucking it into my mouth.
Santino gasps as I swirl my tongue around the tip of his finger and I can feel his dick growing where it’s pressed against my stomach. I scrape my teeth lightly over the pad of the finger and he lets out a small whimper.
Santino tugs on his hand and I release him. He grasps me by the chin to hold me in place as he leans in for a kiss. It’s hot and hungry, like we’re two starved men presented with a gourmet spread. His tongue lashes against mine. Our teeth clash together. He bites down on my bottom lip hard enough to send shivers through my body.
I glide us through the water as Santino slides his fingers through my hair. He grabs a fistful and pulls my head back so he can lick and kiss at my jaw, my neck, my collarbone.
“Stairs!” Sebastian calls out and I reach backward to catch us before we crash.
