Hayden inhales like he’s coming out of a fugue state and his hand tightens around mine. “Oh. Yeah, that’s me.”
“I’m Dr. Tina. Come on in.” She steps aside, gesturing into her office.
But Hayden doesn’t budge. His whole body is tense now, like he’s bracing for impact. The grip he has on my hand is so tight, it actually hurts a little.
“Hey, babe.” I nudge him until he turns to meet my gaze. There’s legit fear in his eyes, like afraid-for-his-life level of fear, and my heart breaks for him. I cup his cheek, rubbing my thumb over his cheekbone. “I’ll be right here the whole time. I’ll besitting in this very chair when you come back out. I’m not going anywhere, okay?”
Hayden’s throat works and I know he’s trying to swallow down his panic. His lip is caught between his teeth again and there’s a wild look in his eyes. I can tell he wants me to go in with him. I mean, I kind of want to go in with him too. But that’s not how these things work. I’ll always be with him, no matter how rough things get. But there are some things he needs to do by himself.
I stand, pulling Hayden with me. Then I give him a long, hard hug. “I know this is difficult. I believe in you. You can do this.”
Reluctantly, I step back from the hug and gently guide Hayden toward the door.
The therapist meets my gaze over Hayden’s shoulder. Her expression is neutral and polite, but I get the feeling she sees more than she lets on. That’s good, right? We want a therapist who’s perceptive, right?
The door closes with a soft snick and I drop back into my chair. An hour. The appointment is one hour long, then we’ll know what to do next.
I pull my phone out and send a message to Sebastian.
Santino
He’s with the therapist now.
Sebastian
Good. How was he this morning?
Not good. Like, empty stares and shit.
Fuck.
Yeah.
Dr. Tina will help him. She’s the best in the field.
Thank you, btw. You didn’t have to do any of this, but we’re all really glad you’re here.
I stare at his message, not sure how to respond. I mean, I appreciate the thank you, obviously. But Sebastian makes it sound like I’m doing them a favor—which I absolutely am not. I’m doing this for entirely selfish reasons. BecauseIwant Hayden to get better. BecauseIwant to be with him. BecauseIwant him to feel good about being himself.
Don’t they get that? Haven’t they noticed how much I care about him? How much he means to me?
Santino
You don’t need to thank me.
I hesitate with my thumbs hovering above the keyboard, not sure if I should type the next message. Should I tell Sebastian I love Hayden? Before I’ve even told Hayden himself? I glance at the closed door as if it will tell me what to do.
My gut says he loves me just as much as I love him. Maybe he doesn’t realize it yet because he’s a little preoccupied with, you know, being depressed. But he’ll get better and when he does, he’ll see that what we have is special. It isn’t an accident or a fluke. We are two people made for each other, made to be together.
Santino
I love him.
Sebastian
Yeah, I figured.
Welcome to the squad.
